Where do I even begin…. this was something I was struggling to wrap my head around since the idea of thinking about relationships/marriage. Stepping into adulthood and being in an age where marriage is something I ‘need’ to think about especially, being part of a community that has normalised getting married by 25, where getting married young is ideal especially, for women. Getting married in older ages is looked down upon and apparently determines whether you are worthy and physically appealing. Entering an age where people openly talk about a married life, I don’t even know about nor think about. Openly talking about it amongst others, joking about it and where women from young were taught to think about marriage, to give it fundamental significance. Not for celebrating love, no, but a belief that it is expected of us to do. To dream about meeting the perfect guy and getting married. Women have been taught to romanticise love and relationships/marriage, to fear not being in relationships and marriage. How the notion of getting married and being in a relationship somehow provides us with validation and acceptance within this man-made society and this patriarchial system.
Humans are natural social beings, we seek companionship, we want to be valued and appreciated. We want to experience love in its truest form, and if anyone was to give it to us we will happily take it. We seek togetherness, not because we want it, but because it is expected of us. Why is marriage not about celebrating love and more of something that is expected of us to do? This phrase is something I will continuously be repeating. There is more life outside of relationships/marriage and if you question the obsession and pressure of needing to be with someone, you are the wrong one.
The concept of aloneness has been internalised since we were children. The idea of singleness has been associated with loneliness. If you are single that means you are lonely. If you have never been in a relationship, the instinctual reaction is to be surprised and to ask ‘why’, ‘how come?’ (aahh that makes me laugh every time). I never indulged in romanticism and a futuristic me getting married, I never was the type to dream about it nor invest my time in indulging in men and thinking of being in a relationship from young. I guess this part of me, felt alienated from my community and forming stagnant connections with women. I have been single my whole life, and it is not something I am ashamed of. There is beauty in waiting and the power in feeling whole with yourself, in healing, in growing and looking after yourself and developing a relationship with yourself. To learn about yourself, to explore your beauty, your flaws, to please yourself, to spoil yourself and pouring yourself with unconditional love and everlasting inner peace. Just like you would with your partner.
The power of oneness. Marriage is about celebrating love, not a norm that is expected of us to do.
The power of oneness. The power of being single and not conforming to society, to rebel and shift the story of your life. The power of growth, the power of creating a life, manifesting it and living in it. The power of oneness in taking control. The power of being complete with yourself and only yourself. To remove the ideation that a relationship/ marriage is something that you need to fill a void within yourself because you are not valuable within your society. The power of being single means learning about yourself, experiencing life through your eyes, mind and soul and enlightening yourself to the beauty of life. You would question “yeah, I can do that with a partner why would I need to be alone?” but why are you in a relationship if you have not created a relationship with yourself and being comfortable with being alone? What happens if you seperate, what will you do? Are you going to be whole? Are you going to be comfortable in relying on yourself and being alone? Devoid the need to seek companionship because you think it will make you whole and fix everything that is wrong about yourself and being an answer to living a joyful life.
Love should be celebrated and appreciated for the universal and powerful energy that it is. Marriage should be about celebrating love and building a life with your love, but also being comfortable with being alone. Companionship is to compliment and enhance an extroadinary life, it shouldn’t be something you feel pressurised to do. Whether it is for other people being in relationships, being in an older age feeling lonely, living in a community where people are always getting married and it being a fixed standard for you to obtain. Or the obsession with needing to get married at an early age and comply to ideas that have been designed that sees fit in this man-made society.
The power of oneness. The beauty of aloneness, the serenity of having a relationship with yourself. The importance of unconditioning what you were taught that is held primary and changing the norms and rules. The essentiality of women turning the view of how this society sees us, from when we were born and was percieved as our only importance is to get married. That it does not matter whether we get married before 25 or after 25, it should not be a common conversation to have. Marriage is about celebrating love and not about what is expected of us to do.