Blog, Story

Talking to the Moon.

The clouds cocooning the moon, the moon was lustrous like a fluorescent light illuminating against the darkness. Stars sprinkled amongst the sky, flickering their celestial galaxies. The ocean was luminescent from the burning glow of the moonlight. The ocean creating waves as they hit the shore, the coolness washing over my sand pillowed feet. My heart full, my soul sound, enveloped within Earth’s nature. The crisp air clinching onto my skin, the waves moving in sync with the gentle gust of the wind. The silence comforting, the tranquil sounds of crashing waves stirring my soul, feeling lightheaded and hazy, from the peace of my heaven.

Bringing my knees against my chest, wrapping my arms around my body with the wind blowing my hair away from my face. A small smile dancing around my lips. Gazing up at the moon, the moon emitting brightly away from the clouds, whispering sweet sweet gratitudes to the moon and the celestial orbs. “Nobody really knows what it is yet, we do feel it. We don’t know what it means yet, we do seek it. We crave it. When we have it in front of us, we don’t see it. We yearn for love, regretting the missed opportunities and fearful for the future potentials. Unclear about what the future holds; hoping, wishing and wanting” I say absent-mindedly, the clouds circling the moon. The glow intensifying almost as if my words were being heard. “We don’t know what love is still, we yearn it. The pangs of longing sharpening within the chambers of the heart. I miss him. He isn’t listening. Can you see him? The thoughts of him filling my head. The stars can see him too huh? We don’t know what love is yet, we yearn for it. Creating imaginations in our heads and being disappointed by our delusions. He doesn’t want me, wants me to wait for him.” I pause, gathering my thoughts. Looking up at the one star that is shimmering deeply than the others.

The ocean ricochets in rhythm with the stinging sensation unfurling within my chest. “Waiting. The highs of your hopes and lows of your dreadful thoughts of insecurities and uncertainties. You are the sacrificial lamb, who has to wait until it is convenient for them to want you. Waiting is like the tones of sadness prolonging, not knowing when the next storm surges. I miss him, he isn’t listening. Can you see him?” I questioned quietly, my nose tickling from the cold. “Waiting for someone is like willingly pausing your life, at an impasse. Waiting for them to come back and press play for your life to resume again, from when they were in your life. It’s not his fault, I suppose. I have chosen to wait because these hopeless feelings never falter. Feelings another crazy notion” I murmured, my voice muffled from the notes of the fierce ocean. “Feelings… feelings… the unfamiliar sensations trickling through your veins, pulsing once it reaches your heart. The vessels of the heart pumping, thrashing against your chest and blooms. Coming alive once your eyes reach for the person that it desires. Galaxies intertwining and rejoicing from your reunion. Feelings are simple, delicate human experiences however, they can be paralysing and complicating when your being isn’t nourished. The foreign vibrations making you feel unhinged, crazy. The Universe laughing at our despair but, soothes us with unconditional kindness of our blessings that are yet to come” I end, my fingers playing with the sand. The moon rising higher, the gleaming light glistening. The chaos quiet as the being savours Earth’s gifts. “I miss him,” I say, lightly. One lone tear travelling down my face, fading away into the sand. Staying still as the breeze tenderly touches my skin. My eyes closing, body lax; a deep presence within me. Inviting his energy, a soul presence that never left my heart, the comfort and security enwreathes my body, gripping my heart. The moon hidden in behind the clouds, that one flickering star gone. The fallen, shooting star.

“He is listening” whispered the Universe.

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Blog, Love

Solitude is Your Power

Since young, we knew about love. Seeing the love between our parents, having love for our siblings, family and friends. To some having love as dreamers, for their passions, and for our Planet Earth. We are taught about love. We see love. We are love. Yet, we are not taught about self-love. The power and beauty love holds when we make space for ourselves. When we fill our cup and appreciate our own company. Relationships and romanticism are notions that have influenced our social perceptions since we were young. Creating an identity with it, placing our values in whether or not we’re in a relationship, especially with the pressure of being a woman. We are taught that we are valued, we have a place in this society when we are in a relationship, taken by a man.

Not many are comfortable with being alone. We are scared of being alone, of living our lives alone. Obsessing over the psychological time, thinking we are running out of time, not having the time to fall in love or be in a relationship. When these are simply social constructs and have no significant value. Why do we put a time stamp when it comes to finding love? Why are we allowing ourselves to be pressured into finding love? Why do we not celebrate being single? Why is there such unease in being alone?

The power of self-love is being able to embrace aloneness. There’s power in knowing yourself, having a relationship with yourself and being comfortable in your being. The power of self-love is when you’re able to pick yourself up when nobody sees. The power of self-love is knowing your worth and not tolerating men who don’t know how to treasure you nor love you. The power of aloneness is being self-sufficient, independent, and sure of yourself. Being friends with your soul, nourishing your soul, and when your lover comes into your life they’ll flourish your being, your energy and protect it.

The beauty of love is your lover finding you and entering your life in the way they’re supposed to. Your love will come, and it’ll be everything you’ve wished for. Patience truly is a virtue.

Love is the source of life, love will come to you in the most unexpected ways. That being said, for the sake of desiring a relationship, for love don’t allow anyone to be in your space. Your energy is valuable. Not everyone can care for it and reciprocate it. You’ll just end up hurting yourself in the process of desiring a relationship, it’s not worth it. The power of self-discovery. The power of self-awareness and self-reflection. The power of healing and enjoying your own company, your being. The power of aloneness. That is the true beauty of oneness. Being whole and complete with yourself. Being able to remain one with yourself. That is your power. Being one with life.

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Blog, poetry

Hues of Yearning

Stagnant. Stuck. Lost.

The sharp tinges of pain echoing inside the hollow canvases of my heart.

“I miss you” I whisper into the night sky.

The moon illuminating luminously against the dark, starry sky. Gazing up at the flickering, twinkling celestial orbs.

“I miss you” I murmur into nothingness, the burning sensation within the heart transforming into flames.

The hues of longing still, motionless. Reaching into every corner of my being. Consuming.

Moments of happiness burrowing the deep-rooted yearning.

The hues of longing clawing at my inflamed heart, scratching at the heart to relieve the pain.

Lips quivering, nose tickling as tears fall, dampening the skin. Unleashing the dam.

The blazing, raging ache gripping my soul.

“I miss you” I breathe into the void. The syllables falling from my lips as my voice breaks.

The yearning pinching my heart, clutching my throat.

“He isn’t listening” I utter. The shrapnel exploding into the abyss of my soul.

Stagnant. Stuck. Lost.

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Blog, Self

Breaking Generational Curses

Growing up I always felt alienated from the Bangladeshi community. Not understanding why I felt this way, not comprehending why I couldn’t connect with family members, why I didn’t have mutual interests with my cousins. Not knowing why I couldn’t relate to the norms and traditions of my culture that never made sense to me.

I was that introverted, socially awkward girl who would sit quietly in a corner of the room, surrounded by people but not speak, just observing. Listening to older generations talking to each other, gossiping about each other. Throwing ‘harmless’ jokes at each other, commenting on other people “when are they getting married?” “She’s of age now.” When are you going to have children?” And if you go against the norm you’re instantly ostracised, exiled. Wincing to everything they’d say, never aligning with the ways they were, their beliefs, and values. It was never about belonging, it was the realisation that my life’s meaning, my purpose was different. It was to break the restrictive norms and traditions for future generations. It was to break the norms that society held of girls, of women. It was to heal the generations to come, it was to break the generational traumas and values that had no significant values. My purpose wasn’t going through the traditional route.

Transitioning into an adult, seeing the unspoken traumas, generational unhealed sadness that I realised the norms, ideations that existed never had an essential purpose. It simply confined the people, immobilised us to mind-ego and never seeing the light, the beauty of life. It isn’t just about the traditional route of going to university and graduating, nor about getting married by 25 and having children. It’s the gaps that reside in those spaces of conforming to these concepts. It’s the regret of not doing more in life, not knowing what your purpose is and why you’re here. It’s the pain, suffering they have of blindly following man-made societal norms and projecting the traumas that were created onto the future generations, onto the children. The trauma and suffering repeating like a cycle.

It never was about connecting with my community because that meant I affiliated with the societal norms that were created. It is about breaking the generational curses that controlled, imprisoned them because they never saw an extraordinary life. They simply saw the life of survival. The need to survive. It is my purpose to crack open, and break the generational curses, so the future generations don’t have to worry about breaking norms that limited them.

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Blog, poetry

Intimacy

Streaming, seeping, ever flowing energy between two lovers.

My soul wanting to devour his mystical being.

His loving aura, his love for me addictive, devoted to only him.

His body close to mine, encasing me, fire burning inside for him.

Wanting him to take all of me, wanting to give him all of me.

Because that is what he has made me, a crazy lover.

His intimacy is my constant yearning.

My soul light and free.

His love florets my heart.

Thanking the Universe for giving him to me.

Thanking the Universe for giving me unconditional love in him.

Our souls burning together, creating a passionate, blazing inferno.

My love for him pure, limitless, and transcendental.

 

 

 

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Blog, Creative Writing

Prologue

The rhythm of the ocean swaying gently into the shore. The soft, tender breeze caressing my face. The cool wind quietly swallowing my loud mind. My feet pillowing the smooth sand, the water mirroring my pained reflection. My eyes magnifying the troubled soul that wanted to let out the cries, wanting to be heard, wanting to be felt.

I dreamt of living near the ocean, to live in a place where I could be in solitude, living in the silence and being surrounded by Earth’s nature. For wishing that the first thing I wake up to is the sight of the ocean, and for the last vision that my eyes see before entering a dreamless state is the sight of the ocean.

Walking back towards my home. The well-lit up lanterns on both of the pillars in my front porch providing a dimly lit glow, walking up the steps and opening the door to be welcomed with sweet heaven. Living alone had provided me with safety I have never felt, comfort I seek, in not relying on anybody but my own self. Looking at the place that I have created, the spacious opening. The airy space of this house had me hooked and captivated in its beauty, for the crisp sounds of the ocean echoing into my home, instant lull of peace. My safe haven, my healer. Breathing in and exhaling, living within the atmosphere of Earth’s nature, the cleanliness of the cooling air, the autumn breeze giving me goosebumps, the little hairs on my arms standing up. Gazing at the open space of the ground floor. The bright shades of whites and grays opening the house, the simplicity of my home allowing my mind to breathe, in bringing harmony in my soul and spirit. Walking down the hallway, up the stairs, through the expansive hallway with walls that are filled with my favourite people, decorated with personal art, down the corridor to my bedroom. The glass interior allowing the first glance to be the picturesque, serene view of water which the night sky accompanies. The full moon being a hint of pink leaving me breathless at the sheer beauty of the visionary sight, the lunar moon is a sight to behold as I gaze at the glimpses of differing shades of grey. The gleaming, shimmering stars illuminating the darkness, beautifying the sky with its glistening celestial galaxies. Pure heaven.

Laying in the bed, pulling the duvet over my body. Bringing myself in a straight position lying on my back, I dread the moment when sleep should take over me. The memories, thoughts, the emotions that want attention, wanting to surface into my consciousness overpowering me. I dread the moments of nightfall. The tides of the ocean lulling me into drowsiness.

“There is peace in acceptance” I whisper.

“I am not identified with pain” I utter.

“My suffering does not make me who I am” I affirm.

“I am okay” I speak.

Yet, the tears begin to roll down my cheeks into my hairline, the flow of tears rushing down my face. Turning to my sides, with my knees up and a hunched back, squeezing the side of my pillow into the shape of a fist. The hot tears continuously streaming down my face, my body shaking along with the waves of the heaving tears, wheezing until I become breathless with sore skin. It has always been like this, for years the void in my soul getting heavier, deepening into my being disappearing into abyss, into emptiness. Overcome with sleep, my eyes begin to close, as sleep takes over me, silencing me into a subconscious trance. Before swimming into unconsciousness, “Save me.” I murmur, unknowingly mumbling the words that have shifted my whole goddamn world.

(Thank you for reading. This is a prologue for a passion project. Hope you have enjoyed what is written so far. Much Love, Konijja)

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Blog, Creative Writing

Silence (My Healer)

Drip. Drop. Goes the sound of the water. Drips of water that left the hot tap leaving the sink disappearing down the drain. The silence. The silence that surrounds me, the silence that comforts me, silence is within everything. Every living thing, in everything that I do. Silence after I breathe, silence after each footstep. Silence after the madness, pain. Silence in every laughter, every shout of joy. Silence when I wake up, and when I fall asleep. Silence after gushes of wind moving through my body, silence surrounds me. Silence after the intense conversation and nothing to say. What comes after the noise is the silence. Silence lives within.

Every tears, cries ending in silence, Every laughter that I have shared ending in silence, every breath that I exhaled ending in silence. Every voice ending in silence, the noise quietening and silence embracing me. The sharp pain within my chest evolving into nothingness, ending and transforming into silence, into calmness. Into tranquility.

The distant lull of the water hitting the shore, each wave flowing in the rhythm of the gentle, swaying trees with the pelting rain. Every stream of water, every sway of the leaves in trees ending in silence.

Looking out the window, gazing at my view. The moonlight illuminating against the now luminiscent ocean. The sound of the tender waves of the ocean in level with Earth, the serene flow of swooning trees, the gentle and light breeze. Peace. The twinkling stars gleaming within the sky, along the moon igniting, brightening the sky. Radiating the wonderful perfection of this magnificent Universe. My healer.

Pain does not have to be something I have to be accustomed with. Pain is fleeting and emotions move, evolve and shift into abyss. Just lke the wax holding onto the fragrance of jasmine until it cannot anymore. Just like when the rain stops, the rainbow reveals its presence accompanied with the sun. Just like agony, suffering transforming into love and peace and pain turning into joy, into happiness.

I can become one.

“I am okay. I am living. I am breathing” I chant to myself.

Walking towards my bedside, lighting up the candle. The gradual, delicate scent of jasmine oozing from its wax. The sweetness of jasmine streaming into the darkest corners of my room. Warm, toasty blanket of the heavenly scent surrounding me. Refreshing and tingling my senses with its divine aura of healing energies and sensuality.

The rush of emotions pouring over me, the intense sharpness against my chest, reaching into my throat. Intensifying, inflaming within. The tingling sensations writhing against my eyes, the watery substance flowing down my cheeks in freefall. “I am okay, I am alive, I am breathing” I chant to myself, tasting the saltiness of my tears. “I miss him” I weakly whisper in admission, speaking into nothingness. Into silence. The ocean crashing against the shore in sync with me, the rain welting down, fading into the hollowness of the ocean. Inhaling the fragmatic aroma of jasmine, the pleasant scent that soothes, silencing the tones of sadness. Quietly calming my soul and body into a dreamless state of peace. Into silence.

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Blog, Spirituality

Essence of Gratitude

Gratitude is peace. Gratitude is love. Gratitude is healing. Gratitude is kindness, happiness, genorosity. Gratitude is thankfulness. Gratitude has the power of setting the tone for a new day. Whether it is through affirmations in the mornings/nights, aligning your mind, body and soul, journalling and being mindful of things to be grateful for throughout the day. Allowing yourself to shift your mind to positive thinking, living within positive energies and creating a healthy mindset.

Gratefulness gives us the power of transforming the ways we see ourselves and how we see life. Either in everyday life or life in hindsight (holistically). The significance of gratitude is not in the huge milestones, or life-altering moments, rather the moments we view as insignificance. In regular lives, everyday activities/routines or living within the familiarities of life.

“Be grateful for what you have now. As you begin to think about all the things in life you are grateful for, you will be amazed at the never ending thoughts that come back to you of more things to be grateful for. You have to make a start, and the law of attraction will recieve those grateful thoughts and give you more just like them”

Rhonda Byrne

The essence of gratitude is within the simplicities of living spaces, things we are used to, things we are not mindful of. From appreciating our senses: touch, sight, smell, hearing and taste. Being able to have a functional body: mouth, ears, nose, fingers, toes, arms, legs, spine. To being able to experience life.

Gratefulness is living within the smallest fragments of our lives, in the ability to think, feel, breathe and live. Gratitude is being kind to yourself; valuing your body, mind and soul. Gratitude is loving your body, soul and spirit. In appreciating yourself. Gratitude is pouring your mind, body and soul with inner peace.

You can have countless problems, you can be in pain, in suffering. You can be experiencing erratic thoughts and feelings but you can find moments of gratitude. You are here, you are alive, you are present. We are living in a magnificent planet that allows us to live, breathe, in being present. We are alive, our thoughts and feelings are valid, there is light in the darkness, there is moments of gratefulness in situations that seems impossible to get out of. There is power in relying on your body, aligning your body, soul and spirit.

We are infinite.

Gratitude is in the simplicities of living spaces. Feelings are fleeting, thoughts are temporary, life situations are ephemeral. You are here, you are alive, you are living, you are breathing, you are infinite. I repeat these words in ways of affirming, in reminding ourselves of when there are hardships, there are always ways to think positively, in training our minds to have healthy perceptions. To put into perspective, breathing is something we consistently do, many have the capabilities of doing so independently. However, some people are not breathing or have to rely on a machine to be able to breathe. It is not about disregarding thoughts, feelings or life situations. But, how we have the means of doing it on our own yet, not something we think about, that we can breathe on our own. Breathing is the only element that we have from when we are born until we die, it is the only source that exists throughout our physical life. Gratitude is in the simplicities of living spaces.

Gratitude is peace. Gratitude is love. Gratitude is healing. I am okay, I am alive, I am here, present in this moment. I am living, breathing. I exist in this world. I am infinite.

We are infinite.

Gratitude has fundamental properties in healing, enhancing positive energies and life. Our minds are tools, it feeds off of what we think, feel, read, listen, see. It is an instrument that plays in the ways we function; implementing gratitude is the definite way in training our minds into positive thinking, inducing a healthier mindset. There is always something to be grateful for. Gratitude is a way of life.

Gratitude is peace. Gratitude is love. Gratitude is healing. I am okay; I am alive; I am here, present in this moment; I am living, breathing; I exist in this world; I am infinite.

“Gratitude is a state of being in which we feel connected to everything in the universe. It is a fullness of the heart that recognizes the blessings of nature within and without. Gratitude is the love for the goodness of life itself.”

Deepak chopra

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Blog

Illusion Of Time

Time is a beautiful illusion. This concept allows us to believe we have time in experiencing life. Time. Many think we have, do not have or don’t have enough of.

What if there was no such thing as time and there was only infinity, a timeless state. Life is infinite, the world we live in is infinite, the space that swirls around us and orbits around us is infinite. God is infinite, Universe is an infinite space, life is infinite, love is infinite and peace is infinite. So does time exist, if our surroundings are limitless?

There have been many moments in life, where I would live in peace, stillness and life would move through me, there was no fear of time, obsession over time. There was only presence and stillness. Moments where I was in deep consciousness made me think of what an illusion time is, how we stress about time, how time influences the life that we live and how we make our decisions.

How I viewed moments of not having no time, or not having enough time is accepting what is. Accepting what is allows us to make peace of situations we cannot change, when at peace there is no anxiousness surrounding time. It is something we need to unlearn to do, and not something many people think about. Like a simple context as being in a situation where you are late for an event. You cannot really change the fact that you are late, yet it is something we put so much energy into stressing and fearing about. What can you do when you are late? Accept that it is what is? To life situations that can hinder your growth, healing and well-being: when believing in right or wrong timing. It is essential to pour yourself with kindness, compassion and love when life isn’t going the way that you want it to. Time gives us a sense of identity, pain gives us a sense of identity. Accepting what is provides us with peace and a deep conscious state of mind

We believe in fate, destiny. We believe in everything happening for a reason yet, we believe in time and that time influences the life situations that we are in. It wasn’t wrong timing, it was supposed to happen for your life. It does not need to be negative circumstances, many times they are blessings, lessons and a reason for us to grow and evolve. Healing comes in different shapes, stories and sizes.

How can time exist, when we live in a space of infinity?

Maybe it is accepting what is, maybe it is not about right or wrong time. Rather about embracing the happenings of life. Time is a devastating illusion that has the ability to control us, restrict us and limit us from experiencing the wholeness of life.

Eckhart Tolle said it best: “To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and fuure and an unwillingness to honour and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be.”

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Blog

What Is Ego?

Ego. I have been thinking about this word, the meaning and significance it holds. Ego defined as “your idea or opinion of yourself especially your feeling of your own importance and ability.” When having a growing relationship with myself, the more I choose love and peace. Having an egoic mind is becoming farther away, where superficiality can never belong in pure and true energies. I have grown farther away from ego and embraced vulnerability, in living within love and peace.

Ego is driven by destruction and devastation. Ego is led by hatred, resentment and revenge; deeply negative induced energies that goes against the grain of living in harmony and love.

From existing within the society, the identifications we have given ourselves, the labels, beliefs, ideations/concepts. When living in a society that has created divide between us and our mind identifications on how we see ourselves, our reactions when it comes to life situations, our behaviour, thoughts and emotions. How ego creates a bridge between humanity and oneness. Having an egoic mind stimulates harm and suffering, distancing oneself deeply away from living in consciousness.

Ego causes more suffering, it hurts us more than it protects us from life situations. What we identify with, the significance that one’s beliefs hold, morals and values truly has no importance when it comes to love and peace, the fundamentals of our being, in being.

Sometimes our prides are our enemies, living in our minds and creating an attachment to words, thoughts, feelings is what heightens a barrier when it comes to experiencing life, saying yes to life and accepting love and peace. In accepting or embracing what is.

Where there is love, there is no ego. When living in peace, you can’t be attached to your ego. Superficiality does not belong within the energies living in purity. Man made concepts does not live within true living energies. Just like happiness does not live in sadness; life does not live in death; love does not live in agony; peace does not live in disharmony.

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