Excerpts of Ricardo

Chapter Four

Ricardo

I saw her on the first day of English Lit, she was sitting in the middle whilst I sat at the top row where nobody could see me, unless they were intentionally trying to seek me out. Her body was slouched and guarded as if she was trying to disappear, her body was frozen and still when Professor McCormick called out her name. Kalina is her name, I whispered her name in my mouth, played around with it, and emphasised the syllables, deciding that I liked her name, curious when she said that she didn’t know what she liked, and she wanted to be a poet, finding myself wanting to know more of her, enthralled by her. I was sitting on the bench near Washington Square Park when I saw her outside, she worn a smile which radiated her face, her body relaxed and happy as she talked to Micah, she was beautiful. I know of him, I see him all the time within the community, hanging out with Alejandro and Aphrodite. She was with Ezra and the three of them yesterday, she looked anxious and small around them, her eyes chaotically wondering everywhere and nowhere, her lips shaped in a thin line, arms crossed – a sign of discomfort. I saw her, she didn’t see me. Her long, black hair framed her face, her features were small and ethereal, her aura was mysterious. Seeing her again elicited a feeling of hope, but she didn’t see me not until now. Yet, that didn’t halt the pull of wanting to get closer to her and wanting to get to know her.

That moment when our eyes met, I knew she recognised me, that something foreign was happening to me when I felt nerves in my body and felt an unnamed emotion deep inside of me. There was no point though, there was no time for girls, I had to get my money, I had to get my life together. There were only two things in my life that mattered, and they were money and music. I didn’t have time for girls or feelings, I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t. I had a family I needed to take care of. Whatever it was, it meant nothing. Shit, maybe I need to have sex to get myself under control.

Chapter Six

“I can hear your music,” a deep voice said beside me, I scrunched my face in annoyance for coming in between my music. I paused the moment of Chester screaming in Lost in the Echo, as he stood on the side of the wall that I was leaning on. I was early for English Lit on the Friday morning, it was only me in the corridor until it wasn’t, it was the same nameless person that had piqued my interest. He smiled at me, my breath stopped momentarily at the sight, his eyes were crinkling, delving into his skin. The dimples deepened his cheeks which beautified his smile, enriching his face. I felt the warmth in my chest as his smile grew wider, I got caught staring which made me feel awkward and standoffish, “so, rock huh?” he began saying, the flutters inside my stomach intensified at the sound of his voice. His dark skin and kinky hair texture gleamed from the sunlight, enhancing his features. He was a beautiful boy, and he was smiling at me.

“Yeah, I like rock music, I like Linkin Park,” I said, my voice croaky in my ears, I cleared my throat and dipped my head down, the nerves amplified with each second passing by as we stood inches away from each other.

“That’s interesting, never have I thought you would like a genre so aggressive.”

“Hmm. So, you make music?” I asked changing the subject. He was quiet for a while, studying me, I felt his intense gaze in my stomach, and my heart was beating erratically, the sound of the rhythm drummed intensely in my ears.

“Yeah, I do,” he said slowly, trying to figure me out.

“I saw you in the event, you’re good,” I commented, speaking truthfully.

“Thank you, I saw you too. You want to be a writer?”

“Yeah, I do,” I repeated after him.

“That’s cool, are you going to the event?”

“Maybe, Aphrodite and the guys want me to go, I haven’t decided yet, I like spontaneity.”

“I’ll see you on Sunday, if you do end up choosing to come, say hi,” he said after a silent moment, leaving me stunned. I played our first interaction in my mind, releasing a smile from the memory, my body warm and fuzzy from his gaze and presence.

“All I need to know because that means the discussions, we will be having are going to be fairly easy. Kristen, I’ll start off with you, how do you define love and perceive the relationship between Romeo and Juliet? How does their family’s rivalry influence their love and romantic notions for each other?”

“Love is love, it doesn’t have a preference, ideals, concepts or social notions. Love is not something that can be controlled,” she ended, discussing, and evaluating the story in a three-minute discussion.

“Does anybody have anything to say against her discussions or add to it. Hmmm, I’m going to choose Ricardo. What do you think of love and the relationship between Romeo and Juliet?” I looked around the auditorium, trying to figure out who professor directed the question to, but I got nothing. Suddenly a voice bounded across the room, their gravelly, deep voice touched the base of my stomach.

“Love is freedom, love is liberation and harmony. Love can conquer all because it is an energy that vibrates with the purest essence of this life whether it is peace and joy, dreams, or hope, or a vessel used to detach ourselves from the ego. The depiction of love through Romeo and Juliet is that no matter how much hatred lives inside people, and where disharmony exists within the world, love can shine its light on the darkness and make you blossom, free you from the shackles of malevolent and poison of the humankind, and bind people through love, can bind humanity through love. The power of love, to feel that love sometimes you are willing to die with your love and for your love because there is no other, there is only truth and light in love,” there was a poignant silence infiltrating the space since his mouth opened. I felt the shock through my body, the curiosity that brimmed is now overfilling and consuming my body. Ricardo is his name and that just made him more interesting, it would be bad to say I never expected him to interpret the love tale like that but I am. He didn’t look at anyone since he started his perception of the story until he ended, when his eyes collided with mine and I felt like I could fly, my body felt light and heady, the longing for something I didn’t know of was weighing down my body.

Ricardo

I can see it in her eyes, the interest, and an emotion that I’m using my power to veil from her, I know the power of love, but that doesn’t mean I want to succumb or crumble in its will. I don’t want romanticism, and yet, I feel the pull of wanting to get closer, the drive reaching over my body, wanting to take me to her. What am I doing?

Chapter Seven

Ricardo

I strolled idly down the dark street, that one lamppost flickered its light for the whole street. A homeless man shouted after me for change, I brushed him off and carried on walking forward, watching my corners, turning my head behind me. One lone car speeded through the road, beeping, and calling out to a girl who had her head forward, eyes unblinking and body still and guarded, her hands on her pockets, walking breezily through the street. I shook my head at the misfortune of being a woman, it is only 10:00 pm at night, and woman are already being harassed on the street by low life men. I unlocked the front door and stepped inside the house, and it was hauntingly quiet. Father was out on his drunken stupor and Mother was lying down on the couch, no doubt waiting for him to come home. Not knowing why she bared him and continued the relationship even though there was no love in their marriage, it never helped anyone especially the children when the parent’s stay in a loveless marriage. “Hi mom, what are you doing here?” I asked her even though I know the reason, her face was forward towards the television, she was surfing the channels, but her eyes were elsewhere.

“I’m okay son, how was the event?” she returned, getting up on her elbows.

I leaned my shoulder on the doorway, crossing my legs together, and watched her flick through the channels, “it was fine. I found work I start work in a restaurant tomorrow so, I can help out.”

She looked at me briefly, before fixating on the television screen, her thin fingers staying on that one forward button, “that’s great news, are you sure? You don’t have to, and you need to focus on college, okay? Don’t get distracted by external factors, education is important, it’s the only way you can have a good life.”

“I won’t,” I reassured, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I walked up the steps, the carpeted wood creaked loudly, the old paint in the railing pierced the skin beneath my hand. The distance was short from the stairs to my little sister’s bedroom. She was asleep when I peeked my head into her door, her bedroom was the only room that was put together and neat out of the entire house. I removed my shoes and tip toed to her bed, sat down for a moment, embracing the peace that comes with the silence. I closed my eyes and regretted it in an instant, her hair was blowing away from her face with the direction of the wind, her brown eyes illuminated from the dimly lit room, her form small and enticing, her brown colouring glowed and was luminous from the light, one small dimple deepening, her smile was beautiful and radiated her face, she’s an angel and I’m not worthy. It doesn’t matter what feelings or emotions get stirred up because of her, it doesn’t matter when my life isn’t the way that I want it to be. Nobody deserves to love a man that comes from a rough neighbourhood, a penniless man with a broken family. No point in loving a man who has pockets of dreams and still is so far away from where he wants to be.

“I love you, baby sister. I’ll give you the life that you deserve, the one that I didn’t have,” I promised, lying beside her, she moved for a moment and then stilled. A lone tear ran down the side of my face, coolness of the liquid wetting my skin. I’m sorry.

Chapter Thirteen

It happened in a slow motion, one moment we were talking, and the next moment I was on the floor, my butt prickling with pain, my palms burnt from the impact of the rocky ground. “Fuck, are you okay? Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” Ricardo frantically uttered, his words spewing all over the place.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” I repeated, hoping he would hear me over his own voice. I lifted my palms to see the skin broken, scratched and red but thankfully, not bleeding, “see Ricardo, I’m okay.”

“Yo, the fuck was that? Can you not see where you are going you motherfucker?” He shouted, sprouted profanities at the passing man that wasn’t walking anymore. Ricardo stood up, striding toward him, “watch where you’re going, you hurt her,” he cussed, feeling tense at seeing his anger, his anger was rolling out of him.

“Who the fuck you think you’re talking to, what are you going to do, you little boy?” the man responded, shoving Ricardo’s shoulder, but he never slipped, he stood his ground, feeling a sensation at the pit of my stomach, Ricardo’s hands slammed against the man’s shoulder, roughly shoving him, the man lost his footing, the pit in my stomach intensified.

“Ricardo, Ricardo, I’m okay, see I’m standing up,” I hurried, rushing towards him, taking his arm to face me, “I’m okay, Ricardo, leave it alone,” I said, repeating the words over and over again.

“Watch where you’re going next time, you lucky she is here,” he darkly said, the man inched closer to Ricardo, bridging my body between them in an attempt to protect Ricardo. The stranger man stared blankly at him, then at me, shaking his head and then left. My stomach dipped at the sight of ruthlessness and aggression that was etched on the features of his face, his body tight and coiled, his intense energy was spreading and contagious.

“Come on Ricardo, leave it alone, I’m okay.” I didn’t know what feeling was inside of me, that sat inside of me, confused at whether that was anger, protection, or things to do with a male’s ego. “Why did you do that? You could have gotten hurt.”

“I don’t care, you were hurt,” he said in an instant, “are you okay, you hurt anywhere?”

I lifted my palms to his eye level, “just these, nothing ice or a packet of frozen vegetables can’t fix,” I laughed, trying to lighten the intense mood that had grown.

“You shouldn’t have seen me like that, are you okay?” he said, again.

“I’m okay,” I affirmed, “you were gonna get hurt,” I said, something akin to fear embedded within me.

“I don’t care, you got hurt,” he said as if those words meant nothing.

“Why did you do that? You should care about being hurt,” I emphasised, trying to understand the why of his response and actions.

“Kalina, you got hurt,” he said, his voice rising higher as if that made any sense and given a reason to go madman on someone.

“Ricardo, you could’ve gotten hurt, why would you do that?” I shouted as if that will help to get the words across to his face.

“You got hurt, Kalina. At the time, it made sense, I didn’t care about being hurt, because you got hurt,” he said as if I would understand. I don’t.

“But why would you want to get hurt for me?” I said, my voice getting lost towards the end, not getting any of it.

He came into my space, naturally I breathed him in, inhaling his scent. He cupped both sides of my face, he raised my head to his eye level, “Kalina, don’t you understand? I don’t want you to get hurt, I was hurting, seeing you hurt,” he slowly whispered, breaking down each word as if him saying it in a snail pace would make sense of anything that had happened.

“You were hurting because I was hurt so, you shouted and became aggressive to the person who hurt me?” I whispered, my mind repeated back his words, the emotions overpowering my senses. The liquid welled my eyes and streamed down my face, my breath coming out shorter, becoming harder to breath in oxygen, overwhelming me at the thought of his actions and why he did it. He did it because I was hurt, he defended me, he shouted at the man because I was hurt, he risked getting hurt because I was hurting, and he didn’t care about getting hurt. My eyes were blurry from the heavy set of tears, closing my eyes from the warmth of Ricardo’s fingers wiping each tear that had fallen from my eyes. “Why would you do that? I’m not worth that much, Ricardo,” my voice breaking in between words.

“You are worth it, you mean something to me, Kalina. You got hurt, seeing you like that, hurt me too, I don’t like nor want you to be hurt in any way.”

“Why would you do that though? You risked getting hurt.”

“I don’t care, Kalina, you are worthy to me, I would do it again, if I need to,” he said without hesitation. “I wasn’t exactly a good student in high school,” he added, a small smile shadowing his face.

“Ricardo,” I breathed, speechless, dazed, and confused, simply staring at him. He didn’t want me, he couldn’t, but he protected me, risked the chances of being hurt because of me, I felt lost, what did any of it mean? I drifted down his face, starting the journey at his forehead, moving to his eyes, such kind eyes, the ways he would look at me, those eyes gazed at me with acceptance. My eyes travelled down his cheeks, and those lips, the generosity of God’s work was prominent, but it’s not that, it’s the smile, so wide and wholesome and gave me so much life. My favourite was when he smiled whenever I did or said things in moments of dorkiness, it has given me so much pleasure and joy knowing I can do that. I didn’t even need to force the way I was around him. it came out naturally, the best part.

“I like you, Kalina, I can’t stop my feelings for you,” he whispered, somewhere deep inside of me believed those words.

I leaned my head on his shoulder on the train ride home, I found it sweet that he willingly dropped me off home, it was thoughtful, he was thoughtful, he was kind, accepting, funny, and beautiful. Universe must be playing with me because I didn’t deserve a boy like him, how did I get so lucky?

“Thank you, Ricardo,” I said.

“What for, Kalina?”

“For tonight, for everything,” I answered.

“Thank you, Kalina,” he repeated after me.

“What for, Ricardo?” imitating his words, both of us sharing a smile.

“For tonight, for everything,” the both of us laughing in unison.

“You gonna repeat everything I say?” I retorted lightly.

“Yeah,” he responded, like the last time.

“Shut up,” laughing at the same time, again. Ricardo’s raspy chuckle transformed into a deep, gravelly laugh echoing into the empty subway.

“Ricardo.”

“Hmm,” his eyes bored into mine, his smiley face staring at me.

“I like you,” I truth.

“Kalina.”

“Hmm.”

“I like you,” he said, I knew that there was truth in that statement. His arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his body, I drank in his presence, pushing my face into his chest. He was a beautiful boy and he liked me.

Chapter Fourteen

Ricardo

I took her hand in mine when we got out the subway, the crisp air was brisk, tickling my nose, tearing my eyes, and the condensation exhaled out of my mouth from the coolness. Revered by the sensations she provoked by her nearness and when our skin touched. Her tears, her being hurt and traumatised, the need to protect her even though I didn’t know what happened to her drove me up the wall, it wasn’t a curiousity, it was a burning flame of wanting to know everything about her. I didn’t need to think nor hesitate when it comes to keeping her safe, to protect her. I turned to look at her, her head arched up towards the sky, her skin glowed from the lit-up lamppost, her hair was blown away from her face, her face gave me a gentle smile, intaking a breath when the present resembled the same imagination I had when I was in my baby sister’s room. “You’re beautiful,” I whispered, saying it like it was the most natural thing. She smiled and I was content with her response, she came ahead of me, leading our locked fingers to the bench that sat two doors before her brownstone. I didn’t need her to tell me that she was well-off, or what her parents did when I found out where she lived. I didn’t care that she came from a family with money but when she did end up telling me the story of her father and her family, it made sense and all the more reasons to wait for her, to not be with her until I was able to stand on my two feet with success, taking care of my family and being able to be worthy of her. She doesn’t care where I came from, but it mattered to me, it mattered that my life was in shambles, and I’m not where I am in my life to be with a girl like her, she deserves the whole world, and I don’t have the whole world. Wait for me Kalina, wait for me.

Chapter Fifteen

Trigger warning: abuse, sexual assault.

Ricardo

“Hey Ricardo. Finish off with cleaning the tables, count the money in the till and then put the needed amount in. You can go home after, good job today,” my boss shouted as he went towards the back, to the kitchen.

“Thank you, sir,” I welcomed the silence, it was easy and peaceful. It was the calm before the storm, I embraced the serenity of being alone. My eyes closed and she appeared in my mind, her smile was wide, deepening the dent on her upper cheek, circles of small, small dimples dug on her smile lines, her eyes so bright that I could see the reflection of my face on her eyes, the dull ache within my chest had intensified. I didn’t know whether it was longing or the dilemma of my life. I miss her, I thought.

A loud bang resounded inside the house, it begun, and my body knew as the heaviness within my body provided me with company. “Stop it, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ll do anything,” the screams exploded across the house, the urge to escape was arduous.

“I hate you. I wish you were dead, slut,” he barked, my heart thudded laboriously against my chest, my head bowed down, internalising the shame I felt for my father. If hate was truly a feeling, then it was a sensation I felt for him. He thought I wasn’t here, he thought I didn’t know. But I did, I knew, I saw, I heard, and I felt, and I hated him for it.

It is a man’s job to provide, to love, and to show love, to be good to his wife and children but he was neither. He wasn’t a husband nor a father, he wasn’t a provider nor a saviour. He was a shell of a man. My mother was still whilst he screeched words at her, “I can’t wait to be inside of you, you don’t deserve nothing but terror,” he slurred, the alcohol in his system heightened his anger, a serum displaying his truth, of what he was truly made of.

“Please, Mark, please,” Mother pleaded. I wiped away the lone tear that escaped my eye, and walked into the room, intaking a large gulp of oxygen at the scene in front of me. God, did I hate him.

“What are you doing?” I said, intentional to not show the emotions coming to life beneath my skin. He looked at me, his eyes clearing the darkness that had consumed him. It was as if he was another man, as if he never realised the damage he does. He watched me, a look on his face, a face of shame, his secrets of terror he thought he hid so well was in full display.

“Nothing, I’m doing nothing son,” he voiced with loss, revolted by that word. At that moment Mother made a sound, her shoulders hunched down, and her knees and curls concealed her face. It didn’t matter because I already saw the blood, bruised up nose, eyes, and darkened cheeks.

“What are you doing?” I repeated, trying to wipe away the image of the front room from my brain.

“Nothing, I did nothing,” he returned, his eyes droopy, his pot belly protruded and his face wrinkled.

“My son, help me out,” Mother whispered, wincing with every move, clutching her night dress, her palm flat against her ribs. A surge of anger cursed through my veins but, I couldn’t react, Mother wouldn’t like it. It’s my fault, I should forget about working, and stay home so, nothing happens to anybody especially, Mother. Mark never touched me or my baby sister, Mother would hurry us up when he was home, she would hide us and shout at me whenever I protested. I know, there will come a time when something unforgiving would occur and I dread that moment because I am growing up, my responsibilities and role within my family has increased, now I’m not able to protect them.

“Let me say something to him madda,” I whispered, padding the cotton pads on her cheek, handing her a tissue for her nose.

“No,” she said at once. “Never say anything to him, it’s okay. I’ll be alright, it’s not about me, it’s about you and Samira, you two are my priority. You need to be safe and untouched, and allowing him on me will keep you and Samira safe from him.”

“No, madda. You leaving him, us leaving and going away would keep us and you safe and protected, leave him madda. Samira would appreciate it; you are keeping her safe and protected if you leave him. We can’t stay here.”

“With what money can I move away, son. With what money?” Mother whispered, shaking her head in disbelief, she didn’t have faith in herself, this is all she knew.

“I can help, madda. Let me help.”

“I can’t, you are my son. You are my responsibility, and this is my battle to deal with.”

“Madda, this had been going on for too long,” I said, her face filtered through my mind, pouring her soft, tender energy onto me, the peace of her aura washed over me like the holy water. Her being provided me with solace amongst the darkness around me.

“Madda, there is something in this world worth fighting for, waiting for, and having in this life. You deserve happiness and peace, madda. You need to do it for yourself, don’t stay in this space, don’t stay with him.” The face glimmered from the night sky, her face radiating joy and wonder as she viewed the night sky. I miss her, I thought. “There are people who you won’t know at first, who were complete strangers and then become nothing to something. Making life something greater than before. This life isn’t the only life you can have, don’t allow Samira to grow up with scars and trauma she doesn’t need, and you don’t deserve to hurt,” I whispered, wishfully hoping that the words are going through her somehow. Her body quaked with her cries, the wails ricocheted through the four walls of her room, bouncing onto me, and streaming through my soul. The boil of my blood was kept at bay as she graced me with her presence, dousing me with tranquillity.

“Everything will be okay, madda,” I consoled, the image that had calmed me disappeared as I am overcome with the need to protect my family.

Chapter Sixteen

“Would you wait for me?” Ricardo whispered. I stilled the movement of swinging my legs over the bench. The evening breeze was crisp, the air nipped my skin as it glided across my space, it was quiet between us, the both of us seated at the bench in the promenade overlooking the Manhattan and Brooklyn Bridge. I regarded him silently, wondering where that question came from, he hadn’t looked at me. In fact, he never looked my way, and he was unusually quiet, a dark aura masked over him.

“Why?” I asked.

“Wondering. I want you and I like you. But you don’t deserve to be in a life where I am not ready for you, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Would you ever wait for me?” he softly whispered, having a feeling that the answer I say would shift something inside of him, that somehow the response would be important to him. I regarded him, his eyes that have been honest, soft, and kind from the moment we had seen each other, his mouth that filled me with words that had soothed me, that had made me feel confident, to his body that had continued to make me feel safe, wanted, and comfortable to his words being a melodious balm to my soul.

“Why does it seem like what I say to your question would be important to you?”

“I don’t know” he shrugged, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Maybe it is, you mean something to me, you make my life extraordinary simply by being here with me. Would you wait for me?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “It’s a big ask, who knows how long that would be. You may never be ready, you may want more from life, you may find something better because there is always something better. There are better things, better experiences, better woman, better beautiful women. What if you’re never satisfied with what life gives you? What if you never want me after you discovered the greater parts of life? You never know where life will take you,” the words streamed through my mouth with ease as if those thoughts have been unconsciously inside of me since the moment, we had spoken.

“I’ll always want you. You’re my angel, the light to my darkness,” he lightly murmured. My fingers laid flat on the bench beside my legs, I felt the hot sparks as his fingers tenderly reached for mine. Each finger pressed between each of my fingers, I dipped my head down to where our fingers were, in between our legs, sitting on the bench. His long fingers blended with my short fingers, portraying an image of someone watching over me, keeping me safe. “I’ll always want you, Kalina because you became important to me, life wouldn’t be the same without you. I won’t get this with anyone, I won’t feel this for any woman, not every woman resembles Kalina. There is only one Kalina and she is sitting beside me now,” he whispered, our fingers laced into one, sitting on top of his thigh. Our shoulder and thigh touched each other, I looked up at him, at his eyes that glittered like the stars in the night sky. I knew in these moments, this union between me and him were more than like and interest, it was earth bounding, it was greater than life, it was my soul and his soul coming together, in sync and beating rhythmically with each other, with the Universe. He was my celestial light, my Universe. He had my world in his and I knew that he always will, even if we are never together.

“What happens when life moves forward, if life evolves for you, you’ll tell me? Promise me, you’ll tell me when you go?”

“I promise, I’ll tell you when I go. When life moves forward, I’ll tell you,” he affirmed, his eyes open and honest, his fingers squeezed mine and his face came close to me. His mouth tilted upwards into a tender smile, his forehead pressed against mine, “I promise Kalina, I’ll come back for you. I won’t hurt you. Do you trust me?”

“I do,” I said in an instant. “You trust me?” I returned.

“I do,” he smiled. “Kalina.”

“Hmm.”

“I think I feel more than like.”

“Ricardo.”

“Yeah.”

“I think I feel more than like,” silence gathered between us before we burst the silence with our laughter. “You promise you’ll never hurt me?”

“I promise, Kalina. Would you wait for me?” he asked again.

“I don’t know. It’s a big ask. I’m afraid I won’t be emotionally secure for that.”

“Will you tell me who hurt you?” the anxious feeling crept up as soon as he let out the words.

“I- I don’t know if I’m ready. It is still fresh in my mind.”

“Whoever they were, they don’t deserve to be taking space in your mind, to be hurting you. Someone said to me, ‘you may never be ready for life.’ Sometimes you just have to say it without the thought of being ready because we may never be ready.”

“I know,” I sighed.

“They are dickheads too,” he added.

“They are,” I agreed, perking a grin from his reassurance, and understanding. “You are cute, you know that?”

“Kalina, only you can say that,” he muttered. For more exaggeration he looked around him, a man was running along the promenade and there was a woman walking her dog behind us.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Ricardo. There is no one here,” I huffed with a sigh of a laugh, which he responded with a gruff of a laugh like he was a boomerang.

“Come on.”

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Anywhere. Been to a fair before?”

“Of course.”

“Ever been to one in New York?”

“Aren’t they all the same?”

“Maybe, do you like fairs?”

“I guess so.”

“Why is your mood so low?”

“I was comfortable sitting on the bench.” I muttered, he didn’t say anything in response, but he did roll his eyes.

We went to the subway to Greenwich Village, the fair was in Washington Square Park, well that was what Ricardo said as he dragged me to the train. There were rows of people surrounding the park, the Ferris wheel was grand as it stuck out from the rest of the rides. The multicoloured lights bright against the dark sky, children ran around me, laughing, and shouting at their parents. NYU students littered around the park, cheering, and whooping as fellow classmates danced whilst some sung. Some skated with no care in the world whilst others watched, the air of sugary dough wafted through the air and the smell of grilled meat hung in the air, streams of people stood in the long lines of rides and food spots, children held their parent’s hands and music resounded across the park, transforming the greenery space into a magical, fairyland.

“Where do you want to go?” Ricardo started.

“I don’t know,” I said quietly, getting lost in the actions that are taking place around me. “This is amazing,” I breathed, at awe of how the place had mystified and humanised the people.

“Come on,” he shouted, dragging me to a cart where they were making pancakes and crepes. On one side they had sugary sweetness and the other were savoury, my eyes were in a whirlwind as I watched the spectacle of the fairyland. “What do you want?” He asked, bringing me out of the magical daze. I studied the menu which hung on the wooden wall of the cart, innumerable options left me indecisive.

“I’ll just have crepes with sugar and cinnamon on top please.” I reached for my purse from my backpack, hurriedly handing my card just in time as Ricardo stretched his arm forward to give the person cash, relieved when the card pinged approved.

“Can I have strawberry pancakes with white chocolate sauce and white chocolate swirls please, thank you.” Once he ordered, we moved aside for the other people behind us to order.

“Kalina, that is the only time you are paying, okay?” Ricardo whispered perkily.

“Mmm,” I sounded, “you genuinely don’t need to pay for me.”

“It’s not about need, it’s that I want to. I want to be able to pay for you,” he said. “You don’t need to pay when you’re with me okay.”

“You won’t let me huh?”

“No, I don’t want you to.”

“What if we share the expenses, so you pay for the next one and then I pay for the one after?”

“No, Kalina. When you’re with me, I want to pay for you. Let me have this?” He said as if he wouldn’t budge, and he never wanted to budge.

“Okay fine. You can do it,” I said in admission.

“Order no. 9,” the crepe maker shouted.

“I’ll bring it,” he said before I even moved from where I was standing. I shook my head, floored in how he was with me. I watched his back, his face smiling up at the lady with my order. He came back to me, both of his hands laid flat on the bottom of the paper. “Coming back,” he hollered over his shoulder. My heart was overflowing, pouring incandescently throughout my body. He came over to me, groaning at the stack of pancakes, his features loose and soft around his hard edges.

“Why are you so nice to me?” I voiced, questioning whether he was a manifestation that had truly become my reality or a fragment of my imagination.

“Why am I so nice to you?” he muttered back, his eyes curious and confused.

“Mhmm.”

“You have been nice to me,” he answered, but then paused, his brows furrowed and thoughtful. “When someone is nice to you, you are nice back,” he simply worded as if that was the logical reason.

“That’s not always the case, Ricardo. You can be kind-hearted, have good intentions and be giving, but they’ll still treat you unjustly.”

“That is true. All the more reason to be nicer to each other, kind hearts will always recognise kind hearts,” he murmured. “But that isn’t the reason why I’m the way I am with you. You mean something to me, you are kind to me, a beautiful soul that only deserves good things happening to her. I can never be mean to you, it’ll hurt me.”

“You talk about me not deserving you, but it feels like I don’t deserve you,” I said when we found an empty bench to sit on.

“Maybe we needed to find each other to show that we deserve good things happening to us,” he uttered with a faraway expression.

“Thank you for being good to me.”

“Never say thank you to me, Kalina. Whatever I do for you is because you deserve it, I want and need for you to be happy when you’re with me. I need your smile.”

“You’re so kind,” I sniffled, the tears worked their floodgates again, and attempting to consciously breath in a futile manner to control my emotions.

“They’re not worthy of carrying that pain, Kalina. Don’t let them keep hurting you.”

“It’s not that easy,” I said.

“I know. Kalina.”

“Hmm.”

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his words illuminating my soul.

“Thank you.”

“Kalina.”

“Yes.”

“No more, saying thank you.”

“Hard adjustment to make.”

“Then I’ll keep on telling you, I’ll keep on reminding you. Come on,” he started.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere.”

“Where,” I persisted, he didn’t answer me. He took my hand, halting at the queue of the Ferris wheel ride. “Such a cliché,” I laughed.

“I can be a cliché… sometimes,” he retorted, wearing a smile on his face. I looked up at the Ferris wheel, it was high up in the clouds, the lights were like the gasses and knots from the constellation of Aquarius. We stood there for what felt like forever, anticipation sunk into my veins as the adrenaline sizzled beneath my skin.

“Next,” the man held the gate to the entrance, calling out for the next people in line. Ricardo pulled us forward, crossing the barricade to the Ferris wheel, people who were on the ride seemed jovial – lovers, family, friends, and those alone were mirthful and young. We stepped into the empty cabin, nerves amplified, and the crackle of adrenaline heightened. The man put down the safety rail in front of us and locked the door, the music resonated through the air, whirring as the mechanics of the wheel worked itself. Then the adrenaline streamed quietly away into nothingness, replaced with the feeling of awe, bewitched, and captivated by the commotion happening below me and above me. Fireworks exploded, and reverberated, shaking the ground from the vibration. The crackle of the rockets oscillated through my body and bounced up to the sky. The pyrotechnics shot through the seams, flowing into each other and flowered the deep sky.

“It’s beautiful,” I breathed, enamoured by my surroundings.

“Yeah, she is beautiful,” he worded, I turned to him. His eyes caressed my face, wearing a light smile. The lights gleamed heavenly across his face and his dark complexion shimmered lustrously against the beams of colours. His eyes were on me for what felt like the longest time, the sounds of the people echoed through the atmosphere. I looked away, the intensity consumed me with electricity and flutters purring through my veins. Mesmerised by the pictorial views beneath us and above us, the lights blazed and alighted the dark clouds. The moon glowed her snowy hue onto us, the night clouds wrapped around her, cocooning her, moving her like the waves.

“I’ll wait for you,” I whispered, the Ferris wheel stopped at the top of the circle. The sights of the buildings were stunning, the flickers of lights blinked, and the seas of skyscrapers seemed infinite. At this moment, life felt infinite, connections are infinite, and I know this connection would be monumental to my life.

“You will?” He murmured.

“I’ll wait for you, come back to me, okay?”

“I’ll come back to you, Kalina. I promise you.”

“Okay. Ricardo.”

“Yes.”

“You scare me.”

“You scare me too.”

Authors Note: These are segments of the character Ricardo Opheseus from the selected chapters that reflect his character development, his POV and significant moments that takes place in his life. I hope you enjoyed reading. Chapter six, seven, thirteen, and sixteen are my personal favourite.

The Date

Creative Writing, Romance

I woke up to the birds chirping harmoniously amongst each other, the blinding sun seeping through the windows. A smile was worn on my face and my body sang lightly, humming with anticipation of the day ahead. My phone pinged with a “good morning. I will be picking you up at 10” text from Ezra. I browsed through my closet, at a loss for what to wear that was light, comfortable, and sexy, deciding to pair a cream coloured bandeau top with a long red skirt, that had a slit stopping on top of my thigh along with, strappy brown sandals that are low heeled. My make-up was lightweight and skin-like, designing braided strands to sit on top of my head, creating soft wavy curls. They were accompanied with a plain silver bracelet, hooped earrings, diamond, chain styled armband, with simple, intricate stoned rings on my fingers and finishing it off with traditional anklets on both ankles. I felt proud of the look I had put together.

With five minutes to spare, I quickly store away my products and go downstairs to drink water in an attempt to calm down my nerves. The bell rang at the time 10:00 am, I walked down the corridor simultaneously, maintaining a controlled breathing pattern, and opened the door. He looked devilishly handsome even with, the simplicity of his clothing. His eyes were bright, and his golden pigmented skin glistened, glowing from the blazing, hot sun. I moved into his body for an embrace, circling my arms around his neck and resting my face on his shoulder, inhaling his clean scent. Ezra lifted me off the ground, tightening his hold on my body, he kissed my neck, murmuring, “I missed you” into my skin.

“I missed you too” I uttered, his body was sensational against mine. He put me down, and he reached for my mouth, kissing me languidly, deepening the kiss. I freed a moan from my lips as he snaked his tongue inside my mouth whilst, his hand squeezed my ass, smiling against my mouth.

He released my lips, and placed his forehead against mine, “hi,” he said.

“Hi”, I replied.

“You look beautiful, Luna” he whispered, his raspy voice heated my body, and warmth from his words entered my heart.

“Thank you, you don’t look bad yourself,” I returned, feeling my face burn.

“Ready?” He questioned.

“Yes, just need to grab my bag and lock the door” I answered. Once, I had grabbed my bag from the couch and locked the front door, we walked with our hands clasped together.

“No car?” I wondered.

“No, we will be using the subway and if need be, we will be taking the taxi.”

“Okay,” I replied. With the sun looking down at us, the trees gently swaying in sync with the summer breeze, children were loitering in the streets playing, and people strolled and talked to each other,, the smell of food drifted through the air. I just knew it was going to be the most perfect day and one of the memorable days that I will hold onto. Internally thanking God for this life, for this moment.

We took the subway to our first stop Times Square, the buildings and billboards surrounded me, making me feel alive, freeing me. We walked through the streets, never letting go of Ezra’s hands. Ezra narrated, telling me the history of the buildings and the infamous, touristy landmarks along the way. We went towards Rockefeller Center, “you are going to love this,” he stated.

“I would?”

“Mhmm,” we walk towards the sky-scraping building, the elevator taking us to the highest floor. We stepped into the floor, my breath hitching, my mouth opening wide as I stared at the view encircling me. I was speechless and completely in awe.

“Wow,” I whispered, turning to Ezra, to find him staring at me with a smile.

“Beautiful” he uttered, I knew we were not speaking about the same thing. I hugged my body to him in a silent appreciation.

We stayed there for a while, staring outside at the view of New York City, staring at the people going on with their lives and living their lives. I felt like I was in the air like I was flying as if I am infinite. The first part of the day continued to visit touristy places which consisted of me gushing and getting excited over anything and everything, and Ezra laughing at me.

We stopped at a coffee place, the aromatic blends of roasted coffee salivating my senses. The shop was quaint and cute. The staff were friendly and welcoming, and people were coming in and out. With our coffees at hand, we took a stroll in Central Park. The energies in the park were contagious and delightful. People milled in the park with their dogs, children, or with their friends. Some jogged, others sat on the benches or the grass eating or mingling. We walked up the hill, overlooking the city, and we sat in silence on the bench for a few moments, “I always come here. Every morning when I am on my run. I would come and sit on this bench, stay here for a while, and look out as the sun rises. It makes me feel powerful, seeing the rising sun, bringing me calmness and tranquillity. One of my favourite places in this city,” he said. I stared at him in wonder, then stared at the pictorial display of buildings in front of me. The searing sun blazing, beaming radiantly amongst the clouds, the sky, adorning the Earth with its presence, providing and gifting us moments that will be ingrained in our memories. Shining its light upon us.

“I get you” I muttered, my grip on his fingers tightening. Loving and holding onto each other and coming alive with every moment.

I followed his lead, taking in the streets we pass, the vendors and pull-up trucks, each area had distinct characteristics, and told different stories. The rowdiness of the crowds intensified as people faught for certain items and negotiated prices for a discount. The silence between us comforting and peaceful, looking up at Ezra to see him staring at me with a smile of his own. The pathway getting higher, the scenery changing from foods to clothes, to souvenirs and now arts. The stream of different arts, paintings from classical to contemporary abstract pieces. We took a taxi to Brooklyn Bridge, Ezra’s words, “to have a mean ass pizza, that’s going to fuck you up.” I get it, I get why people become so awestruck, going through the bridge, the windows down and the wind blowing my hair away from my face. Overlooking the masses of buildings, the soaring creations merging and putting on a show. It was paradise. The embryonic, ancient pillars formed with elegant, soft arch providing an incredible experience with its beauty. The idea of living my imaginations, my dreams, the way it is playing outside my head making me emotional. My eyes watered, the happiness that was blooming inside me became indescribable. I looked over to Ezra, I reached for his hand and caressed the skin mouthing, “thank you,” lightly whispering, “this is perfect,” appreciation heightening for the man beside me.

The pizzeria was charming and cute, with the staff talking a mix of English and Italian. The fragranced aroma of cheese, tomato, and charred smokiness of dough permeating the air. The open concept kitchen, chatter, patting, and sounds of making pizza, the noisiness of people – the energy was infectious and wholesome. The waiter seated us on a corner booth, which had a direct view of the skyline making this happening more memorable and magical. Ezra decided on the pizza and their drink selection, telling me to, “trust him on this”, we aimlessly talked and looked over at the Brooklyn Bridge, the sunset surfaced from the clouds, titivating the city’s skyline once the waiter took our order. “How many activities are left after this?” I asked.

“Two, if we have time maybe three. You wouldn’t know because it’s a surprise,” he stated with an expressive glint.

“Hm. I wonder what they are?” I feigned, curiously.

“Keep on thinking,” he knowingly returned. A bottle of a bubbly drink and two glasses were placed on the table.

“Me too. What is your favourite known fact?” I questioned.

“The Universe is 13 billion years old. That there are multiverses that exist other than this Universe. The notion of nothing is real. In actuality, there is no truth, there is no right and wrong. Necessarily, beliefs don’t exist, it is simply ideations we have created to make our lives purposeful, meaningful – it is man-made. There is no society, but a system that conditions us into a way of living, that controls us,” he ended abruptly, looking nervous and shaking his head in an attempt to shake away the jitters.

“You want to continue,” I whispered, smiling. “You don’t need to stop when you feel yourself getting in too deep. It was nice to see you become passionate, in the way you were getting lost inside your mind with your thoughts. Allowing them to run. I think it is hot too,” I said.

“I usually don’t speak aloud about these notions. A lot don’t seem to understand, nor do they want to understand. Don’t wanna scare you off,” he confessed,

“Not scared just, turned on,” I laughed.

“Yeah,” he countered with heated eyes. His eyes lowered to my mouth. Instinctively, I licked my mouth. Damn it.

“Mhmm,” I affirmed. “Do you believe we were meant to stumble upon each other, I know you said that you felt like you were supposed to meet me, that me coming into your life was fulfilling in some way. But, do you think we were put together through destiny or manifesting each other? I think some part of me did. You were exactly what I was looking for.”

“I do. The first time I met you in that coffee shop, I dreamt of you the night of. I was paralysed in my sleep and you were the one who got me out. You calmed me, and brought me back to life. When I talk about you, nobody seems to understand the way I feel about you. With only having moments together, talking to each other once, nobody knew how you could feel the surge of energy, a deep connection with someone you just met. I didn’t know how and why either. But that never stopped thoughts running inside my mind, it didn’t stop the feelings of longing and hope emerging from within. I didn’t stop dreaming about you or imagining you during daylight. It never stopped the intense, growing energy within my soul that stilled until the moment I had met you again,” he voiced. My heart was heavy from his words, not from sorrow or pain. Rather, the words he uttered were what I experienced too, living in the same state, it was my life. I felt it too. Love is not conjured up by feelings, thoughts, or actions. It is energy so profound, so unheard of it will shake you, it will slam into your face and turn your world upside down. What you thought suddenly doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean anything. Love is an essence that binds you before you even meet, bonding and fusing two lovers together. Only essence that responds to purity and chasteness of connection shared by two beings, through vulnerability and appreciation. Ezra is my destiny. I knew that the moment we separated ways in London.

“I know Ezra,” I said with a shaky voice at the revelation I made in my head. The pizza arrived before I could say anything else. It didn’t stop us from looking into each other’s eyes and saying all the things that solidified the words that were spoken and felt.

“I am thankful for you, Ezra. Thank you for coming into my life,” I expressed.

“Thank you, Luna, for coming into my life,” he returned.

I dug into a slice of doughy cheesy, flavourful goodness, each bite becoming tastier and mouthwatering, confirming that Ezra knew exactly what he was doing, making me fall in love with New York through his lenses, immersing ourselves with our talks and food, we stayed until the dusk. The sunset became starry, the lights transformed the city alive and the streets turned busier. The brisk air outside was crisp, washing over my skin in a warm and tender embrace. Brooklyn was a bustling neighbourhood; the Bridge was lit up, with the lights of the towering view of buildings. Displaying the magnificent vision of art.

“Ready for what is next?” He said with a smirk.

“Do I get to know?” I inquired.

“Nope, not until we are there,” he replied.

“Then what was the point of saying if I am ready?” I jokingly, remarked.

“Well you are in for a treat,” he responded, waving his hand out to stop a taxi.

The street at night was a different experience. The drive to Manhattan went smoothly, driving through the Bridge was euphoric, elation travelling through my veins. As the driver went to the theatre district, I studied the people in costumes milling in the corners of streets close by to the theatres. Lines of people were waiting outside the theatres, the buzz in the air was energetic and invigorating. “Ezra,” I say, prolonging his name towards the end, “what are we doing here?” I questioned.

“You will find out soon. Sir, you can leave us here,” Ezra murmured to the driver, paying him with cash and opening the door to his side muttering “wait.” He rushed to my side of the car, opened the door for me and offered me his hand. I took his hand whilst giggling, couldn’t help it.

“Thank you. You’re cute,” I gushed as Ezra intertwined our fingers, walking to the pavement.

“I have my moments,” he returned with a radiant smile. He guided us through the crowd, shielding me with his body from the wild throngs of people. “It is Saturday evening, I anticipated this. But I guess something is happening tonight so, there are more people than usual” he voiced.

“I know, I am not worried” I responded.

“That’s good” he returned.

We stop at a building situated in the centre of the street. The huge pillars held up the majestic, Victorian-like building which is swarmed with people. People outside waiting in line and those inside getting ready for the show. A poster of Hamilton stuck on the bricked wall, “Ezra,” I muttered, pointing at the wall and quirking an eyebrow. I didn’t need him to say anything with his smile becoming bigger, widening and his eyes shining brightly. “No way” I quietly shriek “what!” I exclaimed, “how did you know?”

“You mentioned how much you loved the Hamilton soundtrack when we were discussing current music favourites, saying how you wished you could see it live. So, I had to make it happen,” he stated. We made a beeline through the line, he reached inside his jacket and handed the usher the tickets. When approved he moved to the side, and Ezra and I stepped into the grand, magnificent building. Absolutely and awfully in awe as my eyes take in every display of art and interior design. I am in love. I am in heaven, this must be what heaven feels like. I turned to Ezra and hugged his body tightly to mine, running my fingers through his strands. I sunk my face into his neck, and he pulled me into him “thank you so much, Ezra. I won’t forget these moments ever,” I vehemently uttered. Complete adoration and admiration for the man. Thanking the Universe, God, the heavens and high water for bringing him into my life.

“Anything for you, Luna. I want you to have the best experience of this city,” he expressed.

“You won. You won with me” I replied, pushing my body from his, caressing his skin.

“Come, let us go to our seats,” he said. I placed his hand behind my back and guided him in the direction of our seats. The theatre was constructed with timbers, the thick wood creating circular motions in the roof. Anticipation and apprehensiveness sank into my skin with giddiness rushing through in love with everything surrounding me. My hands shook and clammed up, breath hitching as the lights dim low and the curtains ensued, gradually revealing the stage. The chatter amongst people transformed into cheers and clapping eventually dying down. The floors vibrated as the sounds came alive, my hands slapping over Ezra’s instantly, shrieking with excitement. The play moved beautifully, stirring emotions as the plays progress the music made me feel high, unabashedly singing and rapping the lyrics. I tried to maintain quietness as I do, receiving weird looks and side-eyes from those around me. It filled my heart with inspiration, admiration for the play and love for the meaning of the play, for what it brings, and what it stands for with, the stories from different people and communities. Enthusiastically stood up from my seat, clapping my hands, whopping, screaming and cheering once it ended. I looked at Ezra, to see him with the same elation, the room vibrating with love and joy. The lights came back on as the curtains began to close. People got ready to leave, whilst I stayed seated on my seat and took it all in. The overwhelming emotions wanting to be purged, to be released. Tears rose from the corner of my eyes, allowing them to fall. The whole day felt like a floating dream, surreal with no words coming to describe the emotions rushing through me. Ezra was quiet as he handed me a tissue, running his hand through my back and muttered, “it is okay, I think I did a bit too much today” he chuckled nervously.

“No, no you didn’t. It was perfect. Everything was perfect” I voiced, clasping our fingers and stroking his skin. He wiped away the remaining tears, I stand up to get ready to leave. Ezra followed suit, going down the expansive, carpeted stairs, looking around me and taking it in for the last time. The chilly air rushed through the open doors as Ezra pulled the door for me to go first. Rain falls slowly, the air still warm with a hint of a breeze. Without thinking I turn to Ezra, and I kiss him. Fusing our lips together, gripping the material of his shirt, and melding our lips, Ezra returned the kiss just as passionately. Wrapping my arms around his neck, gripping strands of his hair as he kisses my top lip then my bottom, sucking it and dragging it out, releasing a moan. He picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. My hands reached, tenderly touching any skin that I can find as our tongues dance in a twist. The rain intensified, welting down on us. I savoured this rainy dream-like state, feeling like the scene from The Notebook as I communicate my words of how I felt, the way he makes me feel. My hair sticking to my skin, not wanting this moment any other way. Breaking the kiss, I put my forehead against his chin. Regaining my breathing, my heart hammering against my chest, my body pulsing with pleasure, fire and affection for this man. I closed my eyes, and he kissed my forehead. My skin was wet from the rain, but, uncaringly stayed attached to his body as he sways his body, keeping me close to him. Ignoring the ways we’re seen in the street.

“Be my girlfriend” he bluntly said. Raising a laugh from me, quietening down watching his eyes displaying his emotions.

“Say it again” I whisper, running my hands through his strands, he puts me down, cupping both sides of my face.

“Be with me Luna, be my girlfriend” he gently murmured.

“Okay. Boyfriend” I breathed, not needing to think with my stomach floating with butterflies. Both smiling with our foreheads pressed against each other, embracing this moment and of each other’s presence. “Thank you, Ezra, this was everything that I dreamt and wished for. This was perfect, so perfect it will be deeply embedded within my brain. Seems like a dream” I voiced.

“Anything for you baby” he returned. “Still have time for another activity,” he asked.

“You can take all the time in the world from me, I feel like I am living pass time. I just want to be with you” I expressed. Tired of thinking of what to say, what not to say, wanting to talk freely and not be afraid. We hailed a cab to the next destination, my heart filled with fulfilment, peace and deep-seated, growing emotions.

The ride to the next destination was short. Aloofness sinking in, having no idea why we are here, at 10 pm with everything closed except, for the food places. People filling the street, the vibrancy intensifying as the night lived on. The taxi stopped and Ezra opened the door for me, stepping out with a “thank you”.

“You don’t have to do that every time, you know,” I said.

“I like doing it. When you’re with me, I will always want to open the doors for you, to treat you in a certain way. It makes me happy” he responded gently.

“Okay. Only for you. I’m just used to doing things on my own, so it makes me feel weird”.

“Well, you have me now” he replied.

Being so enamoured by his energy, I wasn’t aware of where we were, that I was taking steps in front of me. Studying the scene in front of me, the dim lights cascaded around the pillars, the classic, vintage-like architecture was stunning. Halting, my eyes widening, my mouth opening in shock, realising where he was taking me.

“Ezra” I whispered.

“Welcome to The Met,” he said softly.

“How. We can’t, it is closed” I responded.

“I have a close acquaintance with the manager of The Met, he owed me some favours, so I used one of them for taking you here. He relented, giving me the keys for them yesterday evening”.

“Ezra, this is amazing”.

“I anticipated we might be late, so, I couldn’t take chances”.

“Ezra, who are you” I uttered, so dazed with everything. Responding with his deep chuckle, which is becoming one of my favourite sounds. “Ezra you didn’t have to do all of this,” I said, meaning every word. He went above and beyond, leaving me stunned with how to respond, and amazed that a man like him existed.

“I wanted this to be special, memorable. To me, it is catching up with all the missing moments we didn’t get to share”.

Ezra opens the entrance door once we have reached the top of the steps. Once locked, we quietly walked inside, the hall eerie with its darkness.

“I am going to take you somewhere. Just trust me okay” he whispered.

“Okay,” I replied. Using the torch on his phone to guide us the way, we take the elevator to the top floor. We continue walking, passing a café to a rooftop view of the city’s skyline. Putting my hands on my mouth as I gasp, my eyes begin watering. In disbelief of what is in front of me. It was stunning, dreamy, and romantic. “Oh my god” I breathed, my breath becoming uneven.

“Ezra, this is so wonderful. How did you do this” I asked?

“I had my sister in law come up. She is a wedding planner, she knew about you. I described the way I wanted this to be and she knew how I wanted it. She came in the evening, right before The Met was closing”.

“Ezra,” I said, my voice weakening, tears relentlessly falling. The scene in front of me was gorgeous. Rose petals scattered around the floor, surrounded by small candlelit lamps, encircling a blanket that accompanied an enclosed basket.

“I was hoping to stargaze here, I thought this was perfect inside the city with the moon out” he whispered. Taking my hand, kneeling in the makeshift blanket. Ezra bringing the basket to us, revealing two glasses, a bottle of sparkling champagne along with, fruits and doughnuts.

“Interesting combination of food,” I commented.

“I knew we would be stuffed, only things I can think of that would be light. Doughnuts being the dessert for the day” he replied. Unscrewing the bottle, pouring us both a glass whilst, I bring the food to us and open the fruits. Leaving the doughnuts inside the basket for later. I look out at the breathtaking vision in front of me, the full moon glowing luminously against the dark, night sky. The stars glistening, twinkling, shining their celestial lights upon us with the illuminating lights from the buildings, bringing the city alive. The picturesque visuals making me feel light, infinite.

“Thank you so much,” I said.

“Stop saying thank you. I wanted to do this for you, for us. You being here, your reactions is all I needed” he responded, smiling, his skin glowing from the moonlight. My safe haven. Pulling me to his lap, between his legs. I push myself closer to his body, the warmth and safety of his arms were blissful. Looking out at the spectacular sight, I call my home, the Universe providing me with peace, stillness as they bless us with miracles. Feeling like Ezra and I only exist on Earth, cherishing this moment as we both sit in silence and gaze out at the scenery. Time is still, life is in a pause as we live in the moment.

“I like you a lot, Luna. You came into my life and changed everything. I haven’t been the same since I have met you” he voiced, against my ear. His breath fanning over my skin, closing my eyes as it electrified me.

“Me too,” we both discard the drinks and turn to lie down. Both inseparable, as I lay my head on his chest, looking up at the starry sky. Stargazing, talking about everything and nothing, stars enveloping us, the moon blessing us with her presence. Thankful. The end of a perfect day.

(A scene from the current story. Simply wanted to share for becoming attached to the characters. Living vicariously through the characters and how precious this story has become for me. If you have read it till the end, thank you so much. Truly appreciate it)

Celestial Light

Blog, Romance, short story

Chapter One

Walking through the woods, the trees swaying, the silence comforting and sound, hearing nothing but my footsteps. The breeze softly caressing my skin forming a small smile at the wonder that surrounds me, the serenity of nature surrounding me. I saw it, the opening of a mystified lake, sticks and stones scattered. The trees creating an alluring and picturesque scene, almost as if protecting their sanctuary, their safe place, their home; so hidden.

Calm and gentle waves flowing with soothing wind, the sound of the enchanting waterfall flowing powerfully yet feels tranquil and cathartic.

As I sit down near the water, I look up at the sky displaying the full moon, sprinkled with stars giving me peace, thinking this is it, this is my safe haven, my home. The breeze of the wind softly moving through my skin almost like gentle touches. Bringing my knees to my chest, I close my eyes. I see him, his wide smile revealing dimples on both cheeks one deeper than the other one, eyes twinkling “so beautiful” I thought.

Every time he was in my presence made me feel so safe and warm, so intense, butterflies swarming in my stomach needing to escape. Breathless. Ooohhh the little little ways he would protect me, not that I needed any, but it made me feel unknown feelings, feelings I couldn’t decipher. “Don’t do that” he would say when someone was laughing at me, “he shouldn’t have done that” he whispered, when a teacher was making fun of me. I could have sworn I saw him waiting for me after the day ended to go home. What an odd person, I said to myself. One whom makes you feel so safe, will protect or defend you over small things without thinking, and who brings out foreign emotions out of you and showers you with compliments: “you’re funny” “what do you mean?” scrunching my face “You’re you, I like it” still treasure those words till this day. But he would not talk to you, rather stay away from you then say something. How interesting.

I lay down beneath the grass taking in the night sky. My mind goes back to the last day, this is probably the last time I will see him, I dejected. There was no talking there was a boatload of unsaid things, there was pain for someone I could not grasp. He would not have liked me anyways, I’d reason, he didn’t say anything, what could I have done? He’ll be the one that got away, I know it. I remember that day, when he left, me running to the corridor to look out the window (yes, I freaking ran), gazing at him for the very last time, so pathetic and stupid, I chastised. Maybe I should have said something, it didn’t matter if he didn’t like me, nor did it matter if he didn’t want anything to do with me, I’ll get it. I would tell myself. It doesn’t matter now, he left and I am here with feelings I don’t know how to handle nor understand and things to say that may never be spoken aloud. It is okay. I will be okay, I convince myself, subconsciously knowing I was deluding myself. Something within me shifted, he did something to me, he moved me in such a way that is foregone, that will be hard to get past. Something heavy furled within my chest as he disappeared out of my view.

Chapter Two

Present Time

I hear rustling from a distance, the trees moving in motion, swaying rhythmically with the wind. I have been disturbed, someone is distracting me from my daydream. I begin to sit up and turn around being aware of my surroundings and alert knowing that anything can happen in the woods considering it is dark and I am alone. My eyes begin to adjust, squinting and continuing to wait. There is more movement, appearing to almost be like a figure seems as if they are heading towards this direction, towards me. As they walk out the shadows of the trees. I see him, I see Rico appearing, what a light, I joked. The moment he appears from the trees and sees me, he smiles brightly, gazing at me so intently, so intense almost as if looking into and through my soul.

“Hi” I exclaim, smiling,

“Rico” I say after a few beats

“Baby”

He sat down next to me, leaving no room between us. He looks around, perhaps thinking of something. Suddenly, he lifts me up by the hips and bridges me between his legs. “You should’ve just asked Rico” I laugh. He answers back with a deep chuckle, left dimple popping out. I lean my head back to his chest, grabbing both his arms and interlocking them around my stomach intertwining our hands together, sparks shooting through my body. I look down seeing our hands connected. I study both our hands, taking my fingers out of his fingers then in, repeating the motion couple of times, kissed his right hand in silent appreciation. My hands look so small wrapped around his hands, I wondered. But, they fit so perfectly. I let my eyes close, leaning back into his chest again, sinking into him and finding a comfortable position, taking in his presence. Something I never had once. There’s silence, not awkward silence but comfortable silence. Taking in our surroundings, embracing the feeling of being close to each other. Reflecting back on the imagination I had, appreciating his mere being, and feeling grateful that he is back in my life.

“I missed you” I whispered.

“I missed you” he replied. Burying his face in my hair, inhaling a deep breathe, pushing me into him as deep as he can. I have the urge to talk about it.

“Rico” I say quietly.

“Hmm”

“Before you came. I, I was thinking about the past. The hurt, the things that occurred to led up to this, but also the way I felt for you and still do.” I still for a moment, thinking of how to go around what I want to say next. Apprehensive for his reaction, I never knew how he will react, he was always full of surprises; I didn’t know he liked me until 3 years later. I ponder, if I didn’t confess would I have ever known. Would life have taken me towards this direction, the path with him in my life?

“From the moment I saw you to the moment I last saw you, so much had happened not physically but emotionally and mentally. There was so much unsaid things between us, the misunderstandings, the lack of communication and then this deep connection that sometimes made me feel like it’s bigger than me, then distance grew, and we parted ways. There was no name nor a way to word it. How was I to explain what I felt for you? There was pain before there was joy; there was distance, separation before unity, oneness and emotional shifts before any physical connection.

When I think about everything that occurred the past years in hindsight, it’s so crazy. Why did everything unfold the way it did. Is it to realise the depth, and intensity of this cosmic force I have for you and possibly you for me? Was we to seperate to realise that no matter how far we run, or how scared I am of the effect you have on me, you’ll always be here and it’ll come back to remind me that I can’t run away from you and this is how I truly feel? Because that is what happened until I realised that I couldn’t avoid my thoughts and feelings for you and I had to confront them.”

There was silence. A long silence left me feeling anticipated. Rico shifts his body to see my face, he studies my face heatedly for few moments. I study his face, his eyes, searching for answers and finding a cue to continue. I do as I gain the confidence to carry on.

“Then I think about the year that you were in my life, that year was the worst that I had in life. I wouldn’t even acknowledge that year if it wasn’t for you in it.” I say, laughingly attempting to shake off the unwarranted nervousness.

“I had unresolved issues, and they seemingly began to creep up again, it was impossible burying them in a subconscious box again. Thinking about life so negatively, not knowing life’s worth, not knowing the essence living had or the privilege it was to simply breathe. It left me quite depressed” I reluctantly admit, even to myself.

“I hurt you, I know it. I said and did things that caused you pain. I apologised. But it never feels enough. I did not want to speak about me until we saw each other, if we were ever going to see each other. I have questions that need answers. You did things too Rico. If you didn’t want me to be near you, you should have told me. You didn’t have to make people you knew at that time do it for you. That hurt, a lot. You got other people involved and they thought it was okay to do it. I wished you said something, when I spoke to you and you didn’t want me to. There were moments when you wouldn’t even look at me whenever I spoke to you, that hurt too. Was I so bad and unattractive that you couldn’t look at my face? You would run away whenever I got close. You seemed so disinterested. That was when I believed and convinced myself that you didn’t like me, you couldn’t. So, I stayed away from you including, your acts of chivalry. I couldn’t entertain it, Rico. It meant something, they signified something. When I declined them, I saw pain Rico. I saw it. When I mentioned it, you stared at me then you walked away. How did you think that made me feel? Why did you do it?” My voice breaking towards the end.

Uttering them words weren’t easy. The hurt associated with those words was torturous. So deeply embedded within, there was a sharp sting in the heart, needing an itch to take it away. I never glanced at him when speaking them aloud. I carried on staring forward at the water, afraid of seeing what emotions was coming out of his eyes. My lips began trembling. Not being able to control the wave of emotions surfacing that I was able to control when talking. Tears were welling around my eyes, knowing what was coming I look down. They flow with earnest. They flow. “Damn it” I whisper, frustrated that I can’t keep my emotions in check.

I was too in deep within my own thoughts to be aware of what was going on around me, that I didn’t see hands appearing to cup my cheeks. Forcing me to look up. When I knew what he wanted, I forced my eyes shut, not ready to see what was in front of me.

“Open your eyes Koni” he croaked.

His hands caress my cheeks, wiping the tears away. He brings his forehead to mine. Not saying anything.

Inhaling sharply almost, as if struggling to let out words.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry”

I’m not finished. I told him so. Bringing his hands onto my lap, intertwining them tightly. “I need to finish what I have to say, I don’t want to hurt you, I know you never meant it.” Putting my hand on top of his, I stroke his hand with my thumb, more for my comfort than his. “I’m sorry too, I’m so sorry Rico. Saying those words never feels enough to remove years of pain.” I whispered. If only there was a way to remove the years of pain, I would do it. I just hope the years ahead surpass and heal the past four years of suffering.

“Despite, the hurt that we inflicted towards each other. In that period of life and even now, you were the only good thing that happened. I can’t regret meeting you because you were something, I looked forward to seeing. Every day I would wake up excited knowing that I was going to see you. We didn’t have to talk, just being in your presence, in your space was enough for me. It made me feel happy, to see your face look out the door every time I entered the room, it made me happy. It made me feel okay even if it was just for a couple of moments. The small moments of being in your proximity, the little conversations that we would have was the only thing I wanted in my head for days. Even after we went separate ways, you continued to be my light, the only thing that made me feel safe for the last four years. You protected me just by thought, by feeling. My light. I missed you, I missed you alot. Even with distance, when I was growing and moving on in life, the only place life wasn’t moving on from was with you and I never understood why.”

Chapter Three

Needing to feel closer to him, I move not looking at his face but finding comfort that he is still here. I shuffle myself towards him, finding his shoulders to hold onto while straddling him. Wrapping my legs around his waist hoisting myself up to be in level with his face, bringing my face close to his until we were a breath away. This newfound courage making me feel brave, I put my hands behind his neck bringing it close until our nose are touching. Not having the intention of our mouth connecting together, but just having the want of being in his energy. Needing him to know how much he means to me, the significance of my words that are for only him means to me, that being vulnerable isn’t easy for I never was vulnerable for anyone. I didn’t need to be because he was the first of many things for me including intimacy and romanticism. He did not just come into my life, but he left his imprint, he left his presence inside my soul and the longing never stopped. Not for one moment. Rather, intensified and the intensity of those feelings was something I never knew how to handle. It is something I have just begun to welcome.

If only he knew I never wanted to hurt him. I want his happiness and for him to open himself up to infinite peace. Even if we never were to be together or see each other again, I knew he was always going to be connected to me somehow, someway. The very thought does not scare me, not anymore. My Rico. My beacon of light. His light kept on shining even after we parted ways. His being, his existence was what kept me protected even without his physical spirit. Just the very thought of him and keeping him alive within, during times of struggles; in times of hardships gave me solace, alleviation.

There’s peace and clarity in the finality of speaking those words, especially saying it to him.

The hands that were placed in his jawline, begin their journey around his face. Starting at his forehead, moving to his eyes, such kind eyes. The way he would look at me with those eyes like he is looking deep into my soul, those eyes gazing at me with acceptance, no judgements. I missed them. My fingers travel caressing underneath his eyes. His eyes close at that one, a small smile bounces around my lips relishing that I can do that to him. I move a finger down his nose, then stroke his cheeks I stay there for a brief moment, wondering how he came back to me. My Rico. Shifting my fingers to his lips, running my fingers around them. These lips. The generosity of God’s work is prominent but it’s not that, it’s the smile. So wide and wholesome, gives me so much bliss. My favourite is when I bring a smile out of him when I do or say things in moments of dorkiness. It has given me so much pleasure and joy knowing I can do that to him. I didn’t even need to force the way I was around him; it came out naturally. The best part.

The more I stare at his mouth the more I feel the need for oneness. Without thinking, I move my pointy finger inside his mouth. Rico opens his lips in open invitation. My eyes goes to his eyes and he keeps me there, frozen. Feeling his tongue wetting the pad of my finger, sucking the tip sending shockwaves of pleasure through me, envisioning those lips in hidden parts of my body gets me heated. I add my middle finger and he treats it the same way, biting the pad of my fingers. So hot. I take my fingers out of his mouth, needing to taste us together, I put them inside my mouth, licking it clean. Savouring the way we taste as it sends another rush of arousal to the lower part of my body.

“Fucking hell, Koni. What are you doing to me?” He utters, fingers digging into my hips, bringing his face close to mine.

I place my hands against his chest, feeling his heart beating fast knowing that my heart is moving in the same rhythm. His hands cup my head, running his fingers through my hair. My eyes involuntarily close as the tension between us grows, moving me so powerfully leaving me breathless. Overcome with the need for a taste I wanted him to kiss me and I told him so. With his mouth hovering over mine, the anticipation was torturous, needing to know how it’ll be like to have our lips connect so intimately with imaginations the only thing I am running with. “Say it again, baby. I’m not going to hold back.” “I want you to kiss me, please I need you” I plea, wanting, waiting.

Pulling me close, our lips touch, stars are what I see, fireworks are what I feel. Taking my mouth in a slow caress, touching me so delicately as if testing the waters, with a gentle tug, I tilt my head, giving him permission to take control, for him to dominate. Giving him my trust and exposing my vulnerabilities. Taking my mouth into his so deeply our lips fuse together. Moaning into his mouth, his tongue sweetly invading my mouth, not holding back as he feels every corner of my mouth. His kiss was so exhilarating, so drugging leaving me restless and needing more. Gripping his shirt in fists, I return his kiss just as deep. sweeping my tongue through his teeth, biting his bottom lip, sucking it, revelling in the way his mouth and body feels against me. Our tongue seeking each other, going deeper and harder, teeth clashing with our tongues in a twist. Is this how it’s like to be kissed? For someone to want you just as badly as you want them. To refuse every other guy to have him in this moment, to wait for him. Worth it. My hands search for skin to skin contact, needing to be closer to him, I shift under his shirt groaning into his lips at the feel of his skin, so smooth and soft, brushing my hands against his abs. His hands reach down my back to my ass, squeezing it, pulling me so I hover above his erection. The contact so agonisingly intense, I grind against him. Without breaking the kiss, he takes me to lay me down in the grass with his body towering over me. Enjoying the thrill of his body being over mine rather, than being scared of the closeness. Safe.

We stay like that, exploring each other’s mouth. Catching up on missing moments. His hands start moving to different places of my body, getting restless. “I missed you” I whisper against his lips, my lips quivering. Overtaken with emotions. His face dips to my neck, nipping and sucking at my neck, I open my legs wide for him to nestle between them, wanting his body on top of mine. His hands travel underneath the hem of my dress, momentarily halting. Knowing what he wants “I want you to do it. Please.” My eyes close overcome with heightening pleasure, as his hands resume back to manoeuvring up my waist, to my stomach moving his fingers up, squirting around my bra. Internally applauding myself for the easy access. I press my breasts against his chest needing some form of friction with our bodies. He brings his face above mine, looking at me directly into my eyes. Our breath mingling with each other. “You mean something to me, and I don’t get it. No matter how much I would fight you never went away. You were always there, in my mind.”

Chapter Four

I look into his eyes. “I want you to get off of me, Rico” I utter, gently. He watches me with confusion, his eyes searching my face. “I want you to get off of me, baby” I start again. He did so, still having the face of puzzlement and looking quite aloof. Probably wondering what had changed between now and then. Still maintaining eye contact, I slowly get up, smiling and then walk backwards fixating on his face. “I want you to chase me” I say to his unspoken question. “Say that again” he responds, knowing that he heard me the first time. “I want you to chase me, for you to get up and get me.” Something light appeared in his eyes, silent laughter dancing around his eyes, finally understanding my underlying words. “Koni, make sure you know what you’re asking for because I will chase you and when I do get you, I won’t let you go.” My heart skips a beat accompanied with butterflies, treasuring those words. “Come on then, come and get me. I’m not scared of you” I laughed. With that, I turn and spring towards the woods to the cabin not looking back at him, the rapid footsteps behind me indicates that he indeed is running after me. I look back, smiling seeing that he is returning the same smile. I press my legs to go faster not wanting him to catch up, not yet. I keep on running overwhelmed with adrenaline, feeling so free and whole. Pain changing into something akin to happiness, content.

The beautiful man that is running after me is finally here in my presence, in my life. The man that my body and soul seeks for is here, in my life. My Rico. As I continue to speed through the woods with the man of my dreams and have been waiting for, the breeze is soothingly hitting my face with the moon and stars witnessing the hilarity of two hearts singing. Despite, my uneven breath, heated skin and tiring legs I keep on sprinting through the woods, the trees passing through me. I hear him closing in, not ready for this to be over, I force my legs to speed up. In a distance, I see our cabin in sight. I was so focused on running I didn’t hear the nearing footsteps, with two arms circling around my waist. “No no no no” I chant laughing, feeling him laughing into my neck.

Once I have regained my breathing “your legs are longer than mine” I reason.

“Yeah admit I got you” he said, rather proudly.

“You did” I close my eyes rubbing my fingers against his arms.

Peace.

Peace is what I feel, peace of having someone like him coming into my life to show me how it is like to feel so strongly for someone and willingly wanting him to have all of me. To give him a chance, to give him a chance on this namelessly deep thing that I have with him, for only him. All the years of confusion, pain, searching and trying to move on life still led me to him. Peace is what I feel for accepting what my being feels for him, the deep-seated longing that I have for him has been satiated as we found our way back to each other. Peace of having my happy with him. Two bodies, two souls, two beating hearts, two minds becoming one. Rico. My light. My guiding light. My celestial light.

To Be Continued…