Creative Writing, poetry

Connections

Connections happen slowly, sinking within every inch of your soul.

Connections happen in an instant, sparks shooting through your veins.

Staying in your mind, leaving you guessing how and why you’ve met them.

Wanting more of their presence.

What do I get with you entering my life the way you did?

Is this destiny? Is this fate? Is this circumstantial? Was it created by coincidences?

Was it to learn? Was it to heal?

The cosmos aligning two souls, meeting each other for the first time, however it maybe.

The living being, enveloping you into a world where it is just you and him. No judgement, where happiness lives within us. His body providing you with warmth, security, and comfort. His skin against your skin electrifying the air surrounding you, your body feeling alive.

How they can leave with a blink of an eye.

The small moments that you lived with him, you rewind in your mind like a broken record. Holding onto him because you know there is no-one like him.

How it never matters for the distance for, your soul and his soul are intertwined together. You feel him around you, his presence consuming you, your heart longing for him.

Catching yourself daydreaming, wondering how his day is going, is he okay? What is he doing at this moment? Hoping he is safe and well, wanting to experience living in his world just once.

Wondering if he is doing the same too….

(This is a segment part of a creative writing I am currently doing. Had the urge to share it. Much Love, Konijja)

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Blog, Creative Writing

Prologue

The rhythm of the ocean swaying gently into the shore. The soft, tender breeze caressing my face. The cool wind quietly swallowing my loud mind. My feet pillowing the smooth sand, the water mirroring my pained reflection. My eyes magnifying the troubled soul that wanted to let out the cries, wanting to be heard, wanting to be felt.

I dreamt of living near the ocean, to live in a place where I could be in solitude, living in the silence and being surrounded by Earth’s nature. For wishing that the first thing I wake up to is the sight of the ocean, and for the last vision that my eyes see before entering a dreamless state is the sight of the ocean.

Walking back towards my home. The well-lit up lanterns on both of the pillars in my front porch providing a dimly lit glow, walking up the steps and opening the door to be welcomed with sweet heaven. Living alone had provided me with safety I have never felt, comfort I seek, in not relying on anybody but my own self. Looking at the place that I have created, the spacious opening. The airy space of this house had me hooked and captivated in its beauty, for the crisp sounds of the ocean echoing into my home, instant lull of peace. My safe haven, my healer. Breathing in and exhaling, living within the atmosphere of Earth’s nature, the cleanliness of the cooling air, the autumn breeze giving me goosebumps, the little hairs on my arms standing up. Gazing at the open space of the ground floor. The bright shades of whites and grays opening the house, the simplicity of my home allowing my mind to breathe, in bringing harmony in my soul and spirit. Walking down the hallway, up the stairs, through the expansive hallway with walls that are filled with my favourite people, decorated with personal art, down the corridor to my bedroom. The glass interior allowing the first glance to be the picturesque, serene view of water which the night sky accompanies. The full moon being a hint of pink leaving me breathless at the sheer beauty of the visionary sight, the lunar moon is a sight to behold as I gaze at the glimpses of differing shades of grey. The gleaming, shimmering stars illuminating the darkness, beautifying the sky with its glistening celestial galaxies. Pure heaven.

Laying in the bed, pulling the duvet over my body. Bringing myself in a straight position lying on my back, I dread the moment when sleep should take over me. The memories, thoughts, the emotions that want attention, wanting to surface into my consciousness overpowering me. I dread the moments of nightfall. The tides of the ocean lulling me into drowsiness.

“There is peace in acceptance” I whisper.

“I am not identified with pain” I utter.

“My suffering does not make me who I am” I affirm.

“I am okay” I speak.

Yet, the tears begin to roll down my cheeks into my hairline, the flow of tears rushing down my face. Turning to my sides, with my knees up and a hunched back, squeezing the side of my pillow into the shape of a fist. The hot tears continuously streaming down my face, my body shaking along with the waves of the heaving tears, wheezing until I become breathless with sore skin. It has always been like this, for years the void in my soul getting heavier, deepening into my being disappearing into abyss, into emptiness. Overcome with sleep, my eyes begin to close, as sleep takes over me, silencing me into a subconscious trance. Before swimming into unconsciousness, “Save me.” I murmur, unknowingly mumbling the words that have shifted my whole goddamn world.

(Thank you for reading. This is a prologue for a passion project. Hope you have enjoyed what is written so far. Much Love, Konijja)

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Blog, Creative Writing

Silence (My Healer)

Drip. Drop. Goes the sound of the water. Drips of water that left the hot tap leaving the sink disappearing down the drain. The silence. The silence that surrounds me, the silence that comforts me, silence is within everything. Every living thing, in everything that I do. Silence after I breathe, silence after each footstep. Silence after the madness, pain. Silence in every laughter, every shout of joy. Silence when I wake up, and when I fall asleep. Silence after gushes of wind moving through my body, silence surrounds me. Silence after the intense conversation and nothing to say. What comes after the noise is the silence. Silence lives within.

Every tears, cries ending in silence, Every laughter that I have shared ending in silence, every breath that I exhaled ending in silence. Every voice ending in silence, the noice quietening and silence embracing me. The sharp pain within my chest evolving into nothingness, ending and transforming into silence, into calmness. Into tranquility.

The distant lull of the water hitting the shore, each wave flowing in the rhythm of the gentle, swaying trees with the pelting rain. Every stream of water, every sway of the leaves in trees ending in silence.

Looking out the window, gazing at my view. The moonlight illuminating against the now luminiscent ocean. The sound of the tender waves of the ocean in level with Earth, the serene flow of swooning trees, the gentle and light breeze. Peace. The twinkling starts gleaming within the sky, along the moon igniting, brightening the sky. Radiating the wonderful perfection of this magnificent Universe. My healer.

Pain does not have to be something I have to be accustomed with. Pain is fleeting and emotions move, evolve and shift into abyss. Just lke the wax holding onto the fragrance of jasmine until it cannot anymore. Just like when the rain stops, the rainbow reveals its presence accompanied with the sun. Just like agony, suffering transforming into love and peace and pain turning into joy, into happiness.

I can become one.

“I am okay. I am living. I am breathing” I chant to myself.

Walking towards my bedside, lighting up the candle. The gradual, delicate scent of jasmine oozing from its wax. The sweetness of jasmine streaming into the darkest corners of my room. Warm, toasty blanket of the heavenly scent surrounding me. Refreshing and tingling my senses with its divine aura of healing energies and sensuality.

The rush of emotions pouring over me, the intense sharpness against my chest, reaching into my throat. Intensifying, inflaming within. The tingling sensations writhing against my eyes, the watery substance flowing down my cheeks in freefall. “I am okay, I am alive, I am breathing” I chant to myself, tasting the saltiness of my tears. “I miss him” I weakly whisper in admission, speaking into nothingness. Into silence. The ocean crashing against the shore in sync with me, the rain welting down, fading into the hollowness of the ocean. Inhaling the fragmatic aroma of jasmine, the pleasant scent that soothes, silencing the tones of sadness. Quietly calming my soul and body into a dreamless state of peace. Into silence.

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Blog, Spirituality

Essence of Gratitude

Gratitude is peace. Gratitude is love. Gratitude is healing. Gratitude is kindness, happiness, genorosity. Gratitude is thankfulness. Gratitude is gratefulness. Gratitude has the power of setting the tone for a new day. Whether it is through affirmations in the mornings/nights, aligning your mind, soul and spirit, journalling and being mindful of things to be grateful for throughout the day. Allowing yourself to shift your mind to positive thinking, living within positive energies and creating a healthy mindset.

Gratefulness gives us the power of transforming the ways we see ourselves and how we see life. Either in everyday life or life in hindsight (holistically). The significance of gratitude is not in the huge milestones, or in life-altering moments, rather the moments we view as insignificance. In regular lives, everyday activities/routines or living within the familiarities of life.

“Be grateful for what you have now. As you begin to think about all the things in life you are grateful for, you will be amazed at the never ending thoughts that come back to you of more things to be grateful for. You have to make a start, and the law of attraction will recieve those grateful thoughts and give you more just like them”

Rhonda Byrne

The essence of gratitude is within the simplicities of living spaces, things we are used to, things we are not mindful of. From appreciating our senses: touch, sight, smell, hearing and taste. Being able to have a functional body: mouth, ears, nose, fingers, toes, arms, legs, spine. To being able to experience life.

Gratefulness is living within the smallest fragments of our lives, in the ability to think, feel, breathe, live. Gratitude is being kind to yourself; valuing your body, soul and spirit. Gratitude is loving your body, soul and spirit. In appreciating yourself. Gratitude is pouring your body, soul and spirit with inner peace.

You can have countless problems, you can be in pain, in suffering. You can be experiencing erratic thoughts and feelings but you can find moments of gratitude. You are here, you are alive, you are present. We are living in a magnificent planet that allows us to live, breathe, in being present. We are alive, our thoughts and feelings are valid, there is light in the darkness, there is moments of gratefulness in situations that seems impossible to get out of. There is power in relying on your body, aligning your body, soul and spirit.

We are infinite.

Gratitude is in the simplicities of living spaces. Feelings are fleeting, thoughts are temporary, life situations are ephemeral. You are here, you are alive, you are living, you are breathing, you are infinite. I repeat these words in ways in affirming, in reminding ourselves of when there are hardships, there are always ways to think positively, in training our minds to have healthy perceptions. To put into perspective, breathing is something we consistently do, many have the capabilities of doing so independently. However, there are people who are not breathing, or have to rely on a machine to be able to breathe. It is not about disregarding thoughts, feelings or life situations but, how we have the means of doing it on our own yet, not something we think about, that we have the ability to breathe on our own. Gratitude is in the simplicities of living spaces.

Gratitude has fundamental properties in healing, enhancing positive energies and life. Our minds are tools, it feeds off of what we think, feel, read, listen, see. It is an instrument that plays in the ways we function; implementing gratitude is the definite way in training our minds into positive thinking, inducing a healthier mindset. There is always something to be grateful for. Gratitude is a way of life.

Gratitude is peace. Gratitude is love. Gratitude is healing. I am okay; I am alive; I am here, present in this moment; I am living, breathing; I exist in this world; I am infinite.

“Gratitude is a state of being in which we feel connected to everything in the universe. It is a fullness of the heart that recognizes the blessings of nature within and without. Gratitude is the love for the goodness of life itself.”

Deepak chopra

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Blog

Illusion Of Time

Time is a beautiful illusion. This concept allows us to believe we have time in experiencing life. Time. Many think we have, do not have or don’t have enough of.

What if there was no such thing as time and there was only infinity, a timeless state. Life is infinite, the world we live in is infinite, the space that swirls around us and orbits around us is infinite. God is infinite, Universe is an infinite space, life is infinite, love is infinite and peace is infinite. So does time exist, if our surroundings are limitless?

There have been many moments in life, where I would live in peace, stillness and life would move through me, there was no fear of time, obsession over time. There was only presence and stillness. Moments where I was in deep consciousness made me think of what an illusion time is, how we stress about time, how time influences the life that we live and how we make our decisions.

How I viewed moments of not having no time, or not having enough time is accepting what is. Accepting what is allows us to make peace of situations we cannot change, when at peace there is no anxiousness surrounding time. It is something we need to unlearn to do, and not something many people think about. Like a simple context as being in a situation where you are late for an event. You cannot really change the fact that you are late, yet it is something we put so much energy into stressing and fearing about. What can you do when you are late? Accept that it is what is? To life situations that can hinder your growth, healing and well-being: when believing in right or wrong timing. It is essential to pour yourself with kindness, compassion and love when life isn’t going the way that you want it to. Time gives us a sense of identity, pain gives us a sense of identity. Accepting what is provides us with peace and a deep conscious state of mind

We believe in fate, destiny. We believe in everything happening for a reason yet, we believe in time and that time influences the life situations that we are in. It wasn’t wrong timing, it was supposed to happen for your life. It does not need to be negative circumstances, many times they are blessings, lessons and a reason for us to grow and evolve. Healing comes in different shapes, stories and sizes.

How can time exist, when we live in a space of infinity?

Maybe it is accepting what is, maybe it is not about right or wrong time. Rather about embracing the happenings of life. Time is a devastating illusion that has the ability to control us, restrict us and limit us from experiencing the wholeness of life.

Eckhart Tolle said it best: “To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and fuure and an unwillingness to honour and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be.”

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Blog

What Is Ego?

Ego. I have been thinking about this word, the meaning and significance it holds. Ego defined as “your idea or opinion of yourself especially your feeling of your own importance and ability.” When having a growing relationship with myself, the more I choose love and peace. Having an egoic mind is becoming farther away, where superficiality can never belong in pure and true energies. I have grown farther away from ego and embraced vulnerability, in living within love and peace.

Ego is driven by destruction and devastation. Ego is led by hatred, resentment and revenge; deeply negative induced energies that goes against the grain of living in harmony and love.

From existing within the society, the identifications we have given ourselves, the labels, beliefs, ideations/concepts. When living in a society that has created divide between us and our mind identifications on how we see ourselves, our reactions when it comes to life situations, our behaviour, thoughts and emotions. How ego creates a bridge between humanity and oneness. Having an egoic mind stimulates harm and suffering, distancing oneself deeply away from living in consciousness.

Ego causes more suffering, it hurts us more than it protects us from life situations. What we identify with, the significance that one’s beliefs hold, morals and values truly has no importance when it comes to love and peace, the fundamentals of our being, in being.

Sometimes our prides are our enemies, living in our minds and creating an attachment to words, thoughts, feelings is what heightens a barrier when it comes to experiencing life, saying yes to life and accepting love and peace. In accepting or embracing what is.

Where there is love, there is no ego. When living in peace, you can’t be attached to your ego. Superficiality does not belong within the energies living in purity. Man made concepts does not live within true living energies. Just like happiness does not live in sadness; life does not live in death; love does not live in agony; peace does not live in disharmony.

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Beauty, Blog

Is Beauty a Myth?

What is beauty? What does it mean? the quality of being pleasing, especially to look at, or someone or something that gives great pleasure, especially, when you look at it” – Cambridge Dictionary. “the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit” – Merriam-Webstar. “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight” – Oxford Dictionary. These definitions have different terminologies but the meaning is all the same; a vision that is attractive to self. So, is beauty subjective?…

Beauty standards have been changing and evolving since time, for decades. From 1900s till now there has been a constant conflict in how one should look: Thin vs. Thick. Curly hair vs. Straight hair. Light skin vs. Dark skin. Makeup vs. No makeup. Petite vs. Tall. Is there a such thing called beauty because as far as I can tell it’s a myth that is being pushed by the media and the society. Why do we hold beauty in such a high pedastal, why is it such a big deal?

From young, the agenda of looking ‘beautiful’ has been pushed in our faces from media, cultural backgrounds, entertainment to family, experiences can differ. There were times when I did conform, for instance wearing makeup when I was 15 years old because I thought that was the norm since everyone was doing it, but really I had no clue what I was doing since I would wear foundation shades lighter than my actual skin tone lol.. and then I eventually stopped wearing makeup altogether as the notion of it scared me (I know, I know I sound stupid) but there were times when, I would go stand in the counters and look at all these products, feeling lost not knowing where to start and it boggled my mind (I can’t help it, maybe one day I will get over that fear) and also, simply because I just prefer staying natural, the effort of wanting to look ‘good’ never appealed to me especially, if it is expected of me to do as it is normalised. It’s crazy to me how wanting to not wear makeup is a huge step for someone and something to celebrate.

What about those who have unusual or ‘unique’ features that does not fit the societal norms of the beauty standards? Are we considered less beautiful? I keep thinking about this. The perceptions of beauty… Are we supposed to fit in or stand out? There are many charactersitics people have that makes them stand out from the crowd and they are seen as undesirable, whether it is a skin condition, physical conditions/ disabilities, physical/ mental illnesses and the list goes on. Why do we seek to be validated in a society that does not respect diverse features and elements of our physical body? My lazy eye was a something I struggled to accept as it was not common nor was it seen as acceptable. I remember being told if I would ever get surgery done for my eye, and I said no… imagine being made fun of for having a trait that you had as a kid and you had no control over, to putting yourself down because of the reactions from other people to finally accepting it as your youth ended and adulthood has begun to wanting to remove it because it is abnormal? Never!

The term ‘flaws’ and ‘imperfections’ are so stigmatising. The idea of ones traits being considered as hindering their beauty makes me feel ickish. Why is it a flaw? Why do we think those features are flaws because it is not upto societal beauty standards?  All I’m saying is those two terms becomes a barrier in accepting ourselves wholly and how we perceive beauty. There should be no such thing as flaws or imperfections, you are the way you are, you are unique, you are magnificant. Those same traits that we see as burden are what makes us different, it is what makes us special and distinctive. Embrace them and accept them; it makes you, you and that makes you powerful my friend.

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Blog, Love, Story

Short Story

She could hear the waves crashing soothingly against the shore, making it sound like music in her ears, she could smell the beauty of the nature, of the earth tingling her nose. The refreshing smell of air coming through her windows. She had this sudden urge to get up and look out the window, look at the magical scenery.

Slowly, but surely she got out of her bed –  her muscles were not accustomed to movements, She felt as though, being alone was the only way to cope with her grief and sadness, She found it easier to cope with her grief, by pushing people away and isolating herself. It has been 15 years, since it had occurred, and yet, she has not forgotten every single moment of that day yet, what happened that day triggered her and became a barrier to her happiness and joy.

She was walking towards the window, with anticipation. She put her hands shakily on the edge of the windowsill, trying to calm her breathing down (exhaling, inhaling, exhaling, inhaling…..), she opened her sky blue eyes. Trying to catch her breath, however, failing to do so, she could feel her eyes becoming teary, the scenery in front of her was picture perfect. A stray tear fell from her eye, as she didn’t know how to react to the beauty that she was witnessing and the overwhelming emotions surfacing within her – the tension between her heart and mind becoming too much. The waves were still crashing softly and soothingly against the shore, the breeze was calm and was gently caressing her smooth deeply tanned skin. She could feel the tips of her full, plump lips turning upwards to a gentle smile. She looked upwards at the dark sky, feeling mesmerized at how beautiful and scenic the beauty before her was.

She whispered under her breath “how can something so beautiful, even exist in this cruel, dangerous world we live in.”

As she was looking up at the midnight black sky, she could see the stars twinkling, she felt as though she could see her Father and Mother who were scattered in various different places in the dark sky alongside, the other stars. She felt as though, they were there in her presence although, they were not here physically, they were here emotionally and mentally. As she was looking up at the stars, she felt as though the two bright twinkling stars were her Mother and Father, looking down at her proudly and happily, protecting her. The moon was shining brightly, lightly contrasting against the midnight black sky.

She could hear Knox calling her from the bedroom.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

Morgan felt her heart skip a beat like it always does, whenever, Knox speaks to her. She still cannot fathom, why after all these years he still stayed and stuck around.

“It felt like, outside was calling me” Morgan replied with a slight smile.

Knox was looking at Morgan the way he always does with: love and pure affection. His dark brown, honeycomb eyes were taking in every inch of her face and body, although, they have been together for 3 years he still looked at her like the first time he seen her, with pure admiration and wonder. He still couldn’t fathom how wonderfully, beautiful she was.

Morgan was a fragile and a young hearted woman although she was strong minded, she was very compassionate and likable, Her eyes had that raw uniqueness, how at certain moments and certain times, her eyes would change shade lighter when the sunlights hits, the irises in her eyes would twinkle every time she smiles or laughs.

Knox walked towards Morgan admiring the two breathtaking views in front of him. Knox softly says “Today is the day Morg, how are you feeling love?”
Morgan replied “I don’t know Knox. But, I am feeling happy. I mean, in this day I was never feeling happy or calm, just distressed and mourn for my Father and Mother to come back. But, today feels different, I can’t explain but, I feel like I have finally accepted the fact that my Father and Mother have left me, when I was 7 years old and are looking up at me from heaven, still protecting me and guiding me to be the best version of myself.”

The amount of joy Knox and Morgan were feeling, were unexplainable, indescribable even if they were happy for different reasons they were ecstatic. Morgan was feeling happy for, she finally found her inner-peace, the acceptance of her Father and Mother’s death, she felt like she can finally move on from what happened 15 years ago. Yes, she was happy with Knox, she was more than happy with him, however, there was still a part of her heart, that was still at her home, the home where she had both her parents – her family.

Where from that day, her life had changed completely upside down, how everything escalated so quickly, that the situation was uncontrollable, she couldn’t grasp what had happened 15 years ago. How her Father and Mother were held at gunpoint and seeing them die in front of her, was all that scarred and destroyed an innocent 7 year old.

Till this day: their death anniversary, she could picture the scene from the back of her head. Coming from a carnival, a beautiful, happy family who had no idea what was going to occur……. BANG BANG BANG! they disappeared. Morgan can still remember, how her Father and Mother were bathing in their own blood. How an innocent young girl watched the universe take everything of hers in a span of a minute. How she felt so confused and so lost. How footsteps surrounded her, people from the neighborhood rushing in to see the chaos, pushing and shoving to see what had happened. Everything happened so rapidly, the whirlwind of emotions that she went through, that consumed her. Scarring her, hurting her, taking her purity and taking away the perspective of the world that she had.  The police sirens blaring loudly almost deafening the silence the she surrounded herself with as she was in denial, in shock. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know whether to scream till her throat ran dry and till her lungs constricted begging for air or whether to cry. She didn’t know whether to laugh since the world was playing a sick joke on her, She didn’t know whether to stay rooted at her spot or to run away from the madness. She just didn’t know…

After 15 years, she let go……

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Blog, Love

Is There A Right Time For Love?

This question can go out of context. This is the type of question where people may agree or disagree. A question that people can think with an open mind or with a closed mind.

I personally don’t think that love has a perfect moment or perfect time. You can’t really control love or know when love is going to come to you. Majority of the time, when love comes it is unexpected. It can come to you when you are at your lowest points or when you are at your highest points. Sometimes, it comes when you weren’t thinking of being in a relationship or even thinking about feeling that type of emotion for someone.

Is there a right time for love to come? There is not a certain time where love comes, it doesn’t come when you are looking for it, it just happens Metaphorically, you can’t run away from love, you can deny it, but if you are feeling constant emotions that comes whenever you are with that person, you will not be able to deny it, there’s just so much you can do until you have got to accept it. You can say ‘No! I don’t want love, I don’t want it. I don’t want to feel that. I’m not ready for it, I’m not ready to settle down. Don’t give it to me now, it is not the right time for me okay!’ You think loves going to listen to you? No okay, love won’t listen to you, it will do whatever the hell it wants and it will give you that person (that person can either be a curse or a blessing).

It’s like destiny or faith (I believe in that). Everything happens for a reason right? Yeah, what if you were supposed to meet that person? What if there was an actual reason as to why you crossed path with them?

People, for instance, a guy would say ‘I met her at the wrong time, it wasn’t the right time, the timing was all wrong’. But, how do you know when it’s the right time? Usually, when you are looking for love or searching for love it doesn’t come your way and the person that may come can be the wrong person for you. You can’t force love to happen, you can’t force attraction nor can you force feelings. If you are saying that you are waiting for the ‘right time’ then it may never be the right time because you will never be ready. You are not supposed to be prepared for love neither should you look for love.

When love comes it is going to be a complete surprise, completely unexpected. It is going to hit you like a ton of bricks and that is what makes it beautiful. Although, you didn’t plan it or look for the person, the person came and they were right for you. It just depends on whether you are going to take a chance. It’s a choice whether you want to be with the person. There isn’t really a right time or a right moment. There’s never a perfect time, it’s up to you as perfect time is only a perfect time when you create it.

Everyone thinks they know what they want, or what they are doing. Everyone wants to have control of their life, their feelings and who comes into their lives but you can’t.

Don’t be afraid if you think that it’s not the right time, go for it and make mistakes, take risks and make sacrifices. At the end, it will be very unexpected and it may be worth it..

You have everything given to you, it just depends on whether you will take advantage of it and whether you will make the most out of it.

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