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What Is Ego?

Ego. I have been thinking about this word, the meaning and significance it holds. Ego defined as “your idea or opinion of yourself especially your feeling of your own importance and ability.” When having a growing relationship with myself, the more I choose love and peace. Having an egoic mind is becoming farther away, where superficiality can never belong in pure and true energies. I have grown farther away from ego and embraced vulnerability, in living within love and peace.

Ego is driven by destruction and devastation. Ego is led by hatred, resentment and revenge; deeply negative induced energies that goes against the grain of living in harmony and love.

From existing within the society, the identifications we have given ourselves, the labels, beliefs, ideations/concepts. When living in a society that has created divide between us and our mind identifications on how we see ourselves, our reactions when it comes to life situations, our behaviour, thoughts and emotions. How ego creates a bridge between humanity and oneness. Having an egoic mind stimulates harm and suffering, distancing oneself deeply away from living in consciousness.

Ego causes more suffering, it hurts us more than it protects us from life situations. What we identify with, the significance that one’s beliefs hold, morals and values truly has no importance when it comes to love and peace, the fundamentals of our being, in being.

Sometimes our prides are our enemies, living in our minds and creating an attachment to words, thoughts, feelings is what heightens a barrier when it comes to experiencing life, saying yes to life and accepting love and peace. In accepting or embracing what is.

Where there is love, there is no ego. When living in peace, you can’t be attached to your ego. Superficiality does not belong within the energies living in purity. Man made concepts does not live within true living energies. Just like happiness does not live in sadness; life does not live in death; love does not live in agony; peace does not live in disharmony.

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The Power of Oneness

Where do I even begin…. this was something I was struggling to wrap my head around since the idea of thinking about relationships/marriage. Stepping into adulthood and being in an age where marriage is something I ‘need’ to think about especially, being part of a community that has normalised getting married by 25, where getting married young is ideal especially, for women. Getting married in older ages is looked down upon and apparently determines whether you are worthy and physically appealing. Entering an age where people openly talk about a married life, I don’t even know about nor think about. Openly talking about it amongst others, joking about it and where women from young were taught to think about marriage, to give it fundamental significance. Not for celebrating love, no, but a belief that it is expected of us to do. To dream about meeting the perfect guy and getting married. Women have been taught to romanticise love and relationships/marriage, to fear not being in relationships and marriage. How the notion of getting married and being in a relationship somehow provides us with validation and acceptance within this man-made society and this patriarchial system.

Humans are natural social beings, we seek companionship, we want to be valued and appreciated. We want to experience love in its truest form, and if anyone was to give it to us we will happily take it. We seek togetherness, not because we want it, but because it is expected of us. Why is marriage not about celebrating love and more of something that is expected of us to do? This phrase is something I will continuously be repeating. There is more life outside of relationships/marriage and if you question the obsession and pressure of needing to be with someone, you are the wrong one.

The concept of aloneness has been internalised since we were children. The idea of singleness has been associated with loneliness. If you are single that means you are lonely. If you have never been in a relationship, the instinctual reaction is to be surprised and to ask ‘why’, ‘how come?’ (aahh that makes me laugh every time). I never indulged in romanticism and a futuristic me getting married, I never was the type to dream about it nor invest my time in indulging in men and thinking of being in a relationship from young. I guess this part of me, felt alienated from my community and forming stagnant connections with women. I have been single my whole life, and it is not something I am ashamed of. There is beauty in waiting and the power in feeling whole with yourself, in healing, in growing and looking after yourself and developing a relationship with yourself. To learn about yourself, to explore your beauty, your flaws, to please yourself, to spoil yourself and pouring yourself with unconditional love and everlasting inner peace. Just like you would with your partner.

The power of oneness. Marriage is about celebrating love, not a norm that is expected of us to do.

The power of oneness. The power of being single and not conforming to society, to rebel and shift the story of your life. The power of growth, the power of creating a life, manifesting it and living in it. The power of oneness in taking control. The power of being complete with yourself and only yourself. To remove the ideation that a relationship/ marriage is something that you need to fill a void within yourself because you are not valuable within your society. The power of being single means learning about yourself, experiencing life through your eyes, mind and soul and enlightening yourself to the beauty of life. You would question “yeah, I can do that with a partner why would I need to be alone?” but why are you in a relationship if you have not created a relationship with yourself and being comfortable with being alone? What happens if you seperate, what will you do? Are you going to be whole? Are you going to be comfortable in relying on yourself and being alone? Devoid the need to seek companionship because you think it will make you whole and fix everything that is wrong about yourself and being an answer to living a joyful life.

Love should be celebrated and appreciated for the universal and powerful energy that it is. Marriage should be about celebrating love and building a life with your love, but also being comfortable with being alone. Companionship is to compliment and enhance an extroadinary life, it shouldn’t be something you feel pressurised to do. Whether it is for other people being in relationships, being in an older age feeling lonely, living in a community where people are always getting married and it being a fixed standard for you to obtain. Or the obsession with needing to get married at an early age and comply to ideas that have been designed that sees fit in this man-made society.

The power of oneness. The beauty of aloneness, the serenity of having a relationship with yourself. The importance of unconditioning what you were taught that is held primary and changing the norms and rules. The essentiality of women turning the view of how this society sees us, from when we were born and was percieved as our only importance is to get married. That it does not matter whether we get married before 25 or after 25, it should not be a common conversation to have. Marriage is about celebrating love and not about what is expected of us to do.

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Blog, Love, Story

Short Story

She could hear the waves crashing soothingly against the shore, making it sound like music in her ears, she could smell the beauty of the nature, of the earth tingling her nose. The refreshing smell of air coming through her windows. She had this sudden urge to get up and look out the window, look at the magical scenery.

Slowly, but surely she got out of her bed –  her muscles were not accustomed to movements, She felt as though, being alone was the only way to cope with her grief and sadness, She found it easier to cope with her grief, by pushing people away and isolating herself. It has been 15 years, since it had occurred, and yet, she has not forgotten every single moment of that day yet, what happened that day triggered her and became a barrier to her happiness and joy.

She was walking towards the window, with anticipation. She put her hands shakily on the edge of the windowsill, trying to calm her breathing down (exhaling, inhaling, exhaling, inhaling…..), she opened her sky blue eyes. Trying to catch her breath, however, failing to do so, she could feel her eyes becoming teary, the scenery in front of her was picture perfect. A stray tear fell from her eye, as she didn’t know how to react to the beauty that she was witnessing and the overwhelming emotions surfacing within her – the tension between her heart and mind becoming too much. The waves were still crashing softly and soothingly against the shore, the breeze was calm and was gently caressing her smooth deeply tanned skin. She could feel the tips of her full, plump lips turning upwards to a gentle smile. She looked upwards at the dark sky, feeling mesmerized at how beautiful and scenic the beauty before her was.

She whispered under her breath “how can something so beautiful, even exist in this cruel, dangerous world we live in.”

As she was looking up at the midnight black sky, she could see the stars twinkling, she felt as though she could see her Father and Mother who were scattered in various different places in the dark sky alongside, the other stars. She felt as though, they were there in her presence although, they were not here physically, they were here emotionally and mentally. As she was looking up at the stars, she felt as though the two bright twinkling stars were her Mother and Father, looking down at her proudly and happily, protecting her. The moon was shining brightly, lightly contrasting against the midnight black sky.

She could hear Knox calling her from the bedroom.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

Morgan felt her heart skip a beat like it always does, whenever, Knox speaks to her. She still cannot fathom, why after all these years he still stayed and stuck around.

“It felt like, outside was calling me” Morgan replied with a slight smile.

Knox was looking at Morgan the way he always does with: love and pure affection. His dark brown, honeycomb eyes were taking in every inch of her face and body, although, they have been together for 3 years he still looked at her like the first time he seen her, with pure admiration and wonder. He still couldn’t fathom how wonderfully, beautiful she was.

Morgan was a fragile and a young hearted woman although she was strong minded, she was very compassionate and likable, Her eyes had that raw uniqueness, how at certain moments and certain times, her eyes would change shade lighter when the sunlights hits, the irises in her eyes would twinkle every time she smiles or laughs.

Knox walked towards Morgan admiring the two breathtaking views in front of him. Knox softly says “Today is the day Morg, how are you feeling love?”
Morgan replied “I don’t know Knox. But, I am feeling happy. I mean, in this day I was never feeling happy or calm, just distressed and mourn for my Father and Mother to come back. But, today feels different, I can’t explain but, I feel like I have finally accepted the fact that my Father and Mother have left me, when I was 7 years old and are looking up at me from heaven, still protecting me and guiding me to be the best version of myself.”

The amount of joy Knox and Morgan were feeling, were unexplainable, indescribable even if they were happy for different reasons they were ecstatic. Morgan was feeling happy for, she finally found her inner-peace, the acceptance of her Father and Mother’s death, she felt like she can finally move on from what happened 15 years ago. Yes, she was happy with Knox, she was more than happy with him, however, there was still a part of her heart, that was still at her home, the home where she had both her parents – her family.

Where from that day, her life had changed completely upside down, how everything escalated so quickly, that the situation was uncontrollable, she couldn’t grasp what had happened 15 years ago. How her Father and Mother were held at gunpoint and seeing them die in front of her, was all that scarred and destroyed an innocent 7 year old.

Till this day: their death anniversary, she could picture the scene from the back of her head. Coming from a carnival, a beautiful, happy family who had no idea what was going to occur……. BANG BANG BANG! they disappeared. Morgan can still remember, how her Father and Mother were bathing in their own blood. How an innocent young girl watched the universe take everything of hers in a span of a minute. How she felt so confused and so lost. How footsteps surrounded her, people from the neighborhood rushing in to see the chaos, pushing and shoving to see what had happened. Everything happened so rapidly, the whirlwind of emotions that she went through, that consumed her. Scarring her, hurting her, taking her purity and taking away the perspective of the world that she had.  The police sirens blaring loudly almost deafening the silence the she surrounded herself with as she was in denial, in shock. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know whether to scream till her throat ran dry and till her lungs constricted begging for air or whether to cry. She didn’t know whether to laugh since the world was playing a sick joke on her, She didn’t know whether to stay rooted at her spot or to run away from the madness. She just didn’t know…

After 15 years, she let go……

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Blog, Love

Is There A Right Time For Love?

This question can go out of context. This is the type of question where people may agree or disagree. A question that people can think with an open mind or with a closed mind.

I personally don’t think that love has a perfect moment or perfect time. You can’t really control love or know when love is going to come to you. Majority of the time, when love comes it is unexpected. It can come to you when you are at your lowest points or when you are at your highest points. Sometimes, it comes when you weren’t thinking of being in a relationship or even thinking about feeling that type of emotion for someone.

Is there a right time for love to come? There is not a certain time where love comes, it doesn’t come when you are looking for it, it just happens Metaphorically, you can’t run away from love, you can deny it, but if you are feeling constant emotions that comes whenever you are with that person, you will not be able to deny it, there’s just so much you can do until you have got to accept it. You can say ‘No! I don’t want love, I don’t want it. I don’t want to feel that. I’m not ready for it, I’m not ready to settle down. Don’t give it to me now, it is not the right time for me okay!’ You think loves going to listen to you? No okay, love won’t listen to you, it will do whatever the hell it wants and it will give you that person (that person can either be a curse or a blessing).

It’s like destiny or faith (I believe in that). Everything happens for a reason right? Yeah, what if you were supposed to meet that person? What if there was an actual reason as to why you crossed path with them?

People, for instance, a guy would say ‘I met her at the wrong time, it wasn’t the right time, the timing was all wrong’. But, how do you know when it’s the right time? Usually, when you are looking for love or searching for love it doesn’t come your way and the person that may come can be the wrong person for you. You can’t force love to happen, you can’t force attraction nor can you force feelings. If you are saying that you are waiting for the ‘right time’ then it may never be the right time because you will never be ready. You are not supposed to be prepared for love neither should you look for love.

When love comes it is going to be a complete surprise, completely unexpected. It is going to hit you like a ton of bricks and that is what makes it beautiful. Although, you didn’t plan it or look for the person, the person came and they were right for you. It just depends on whether you are going to take a chance. It’s a choice whether you want to be with the person. There isn’t really a right time or a right moment. There’s never a perfect time, it’s up to you as perfect time is only a perfect time when you create it.

Everyone thinks they know what they want, or what they are doing. Everyone wants to have control of their life, their feelings and who comes into their lives but you can’t.

Don’t be afraid if you think that it’s not the right time, go for it and make mistakes, take risks and make sacrifices. At the end, it will be very unexpected and it may be worth it..

You have everything given to you, it just depends on whether you will take advantage of it and whether you will make the most out of it.

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