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The Power of Oneness

Where do I even begin…. this was something I was struggling to wrap my head around since the idea of thinking about relationships/marriage. Stepping into adulthood and being in an age where marriage is something I ‘need’ to think about especially, being part of a community that has normalised getting married by 25, where getting married young is ideal especially, for women. Getting married in older ages is looked down upon and apparently determines whether you are worthy and physically appealing. Entering an age where people openly talk about a married life, I don’t even know about nor think about. Openly talking about it amongst others, joking about it and where women from young were taught to think about marriage, to give it fundamental significance. Not for celebrating love, no, but a belief that it is expected of us to do. To dream about meeting the perfect guy and getting married. Women have been taught to romanticise love and relationships/marriage, to fear not being in relationships and marriage. How the notion of getting married and being in a relationship somehow provides us with validation and acceptance within this man-made society and this patriarchial system.

Humans are natural social beings, we seek companionship, we want to be valued and appreciated. We want to experience love in its truest form, and if anyone was to give it to us we will happily take it. We seek togetherness, not because we want it, but because it is expected of us. Why is marriage not about celebrating love and more of something that is expected of us to do? This phrase is something I will continuously be repeating. There is more life outside of relationships/marriage and if you question the obsession and pressure of needing to be with someone, you are the wrong one.

The concept of aloneness has been internalised since we were children. The idea of singleness has been associated with loneliness. If you are single that means you are lonely. If you have never been in a relationship, the instinctual reaction is to be surprised and to ask ‘why’, ‘how come?’ (aahh that makes me laugh every time). I never indulged in romanticism and a futuristic me getting married, I never was the type to dream about it nor invest my time in indulging in men and thinking of being in a relationship from young. I guess this part of me, felt alienated from my community and forming stagnant connections with women. I have been single my whole life, and it is not something I am ashamed of. There is beauty in waiting and the power in feeling whole with yourself, in healing, in growing and looking after yourself and developing a relationship with yourself. To learn about yourself, to explore your beauty, your flaws, to please yourself, to spoil yourself and pouring yourself with unconditional love and everlasting inner peace. Just like you would with your partner.

The power of oneness. Marriage is about celebrating love, not a norm that is expected of us to do.

The power of oneness. The power of being single and not conforming to society, to rebel and shift the story of your life. The power of growth, the power of creating a life, manifesting it and living in it. The power of oneness in taking control. The power of being complete with yourself and only yourself. To remove the ideation that a relationship/ marriage is something that you need to fill a void within yourself because you are not valuable within your society. The power of being single means learning about yourself, experiencing life through your eyes, mind and soul and enlightening yourself to the beauty of life. You would question “yeah, I can do that with a partner why would I need to be alone?” but why are you in a relationship if you have not created a relationship with yourself and being comfortable with being alone? What happens if you seperate, what will you do? Are you going to be whole? Are you going to be comfortable in relying on yourself and being alone? Devoid the need to seek companionship because you think it will make you whole and fix everything that is wrong about yourself and being an answer to living a joyful life.

Love should be celebrated and appreciated for the universal and powerful energy that it is. Marriage should be about celebrating love and building a life with your love, but also being comfortable with being alone. Companionship is to compliment and enhance an extroadinary life, it shouldn’t be something you feel pressurised to do. Whether it is for other people being in relationships, being in an older age feeling lonely, living in a community where people are always getting married and it being a fixed standard for you to obtain. Or the obsession with needing to get married at an early age and comply to ideas that have been designed that sees fit in this man-made society.

The power of oneness. The beauty of aloneness, the serenity of having a relationship with yourself. The importance of unconditioning what you were taught that is held primary and changing the norms and rules. The essentiality of women turning the view of how this society sees us, from when we were born and was percieved as our only importance is to get married. That it does not matter whether we get married before 25 or after 25, it should not be a common conversation to have. Marriage is about celebrating love and not about what is expected of us to do.

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Beauty, Blog

Is Beauty a Myth?

What is beauty? What does it mean? the quality of being pleasing, especially to look at, or someone or something that gives great pleasure, especially, when you look at it” – Cambridge Dictionary. “the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit” – Merriam-Webstar. “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight” – Oxford Dictionary. These definitions have different terminologies but the meaning is all the same; a vision that is attractive to self. So, is beauty subjective?…

Beauty standards have been changing and evolving since time, for decades. From 1900s till now there has been a constant conflict in how one should look: Thin vs. Thick. Curly hair vs. Straight hair. Light skin vs. Dark skin. Makeup vs. No makeup. Petite vs. Tall. Is there a such thing called beauty because as far as I can tell it’s a myth that is being pushed by the media and the society. Why do we hold beauty in such a high pedastal, why is it such a big deal?

From young, the agenda of looking ‘beautiful’ has been pushed in our faces from media, cultural backgrounds, entertainment to family, experiences can differ. There were times when I did conform, for instance wearing makeup when I was 15 years old because I thought that was the norm since everyone was doing it, but really I had no clue what I was doing since I would wear foundation shades lighter than my actual skin tone lol.. and then I eventually stopped wearing makeup altogether as the notion of it scared me (I know, I know I sound stupid) but there were times when, I would go stand in the counters and look at all these products, feeling lost not knowing where to start and it boggled my mind (I can’t help it, maybe one day I will get over that fear) and also, simply because I just prefer staying natural, the effort of wanting to look ‘good’ never appealed to me especially, if it is expected of me to do as it is normalised. It’s crazy to me how wanting to not wear makeup is a huge step for someone and something to celebrate.

What about those who have unusual or ‘unique’ features that does not fit the societal norms of the beauty standards? Are we considered less beautiful? I keep thinking about this. The perceptions of beauty… Are we supposed to fit in or stand out? There are many charactersitics people have that makes them stand out from the crowd and they are seen as undesirable, whether it is a skin condition, physical conditions/ disabilities, physical/ mental illnesses and the list goes on. Why do we seek to be validated in a society that does not respect diverse features and elements of our physical body? My lazy eye was a something I struggled to accept as it was not common nor was it seen as acceptable. I remember being told if I would ever get surgery done for my eye, and I said no… imagine being made fun of for having a trait that you had as a kid and you had no control over, to putting yourself down because of the reactions from other people to finally accepting it as your youth ended and adulthood has begun to wanting to remove it because it is abnormal? Never!

The term ‘flaws’ and ‘imperfections’ are so stigmatising. The idea of ones traits being considered as hindering their beauty makes me feel ickish. Why is it a flaw? Why do we think those features are flaws because it is not upto societal beauty standards?  All I’m saying is those two terms becomes a barrier in accepting ourselves wholly and how we perceive beauty. There should be no such thing as flaws or imperfections, you are the way you are, you are unique, you are magnificant. Those same traits that we see as burden are what makes us different, it is what makes us special and distinctive. Embrace them and accept them; it makes you, you and that makes you powerful my friend.

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